IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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Some individuals think that
teenagers
Use synonyms
 must participate in unpaid community work in their break
time
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 as it will have a good impact on them and their
society
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, which I really agree with because it has a great influence on their personalities.
To begin
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 with,
teenagers
Use synonyms
 volunteering in unpaid
society
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 work is super crucial nowadays.
Firstly
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 and most importantly, taking part in these activities can boost their confidence because they will communicate more and help more people.
Secondly
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,
this
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 action will contribute to their social skills by helping them interact with a variety of people.
Moreover
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,
teenagers
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 will be outside their comfort zone and
this
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 will encourage them to do more different things.
Also
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, they will get an advantage of their leisure
time
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instead
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 of spending it
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 petty things, like wasting their
time
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 technology. A lot of
teenagers
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 squander their
time
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 by communicating with people on the phone
instead
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 of talking to an actual person physically,
therefore
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this
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 will slow down their communication skills. Not only
this
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 will help
teenagers
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to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
manage their
time
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 and spend it properly but
also
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will have
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 numerous benefits to their future, by acquiring essential skills and giving them the experience that they need for their future careers.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 volunteering initiative
also
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 has a great impact on
society
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. The community will benefit from the creativity of
teenagers
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 as they are
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a young age and have more energy to get things done. The crime rate in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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 will decline because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers
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 will be busy reviving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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instead
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 of destroying it.
Next,
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the community’s bond will be much stronger with the result that all the age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 are cooperating.
To conclude
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,
this
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 contribution of
teenagers
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 to community work
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 in many fields of life and
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
 a crucial role in building a better
society
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 and preparing for a brighter future.

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task achievement
Expand on certain points with more specific examples to enhance clarity and persuasion.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to improve overall structure and flow.
coherence and cohesion
Consider varying your sentence length and structure to enhance readability and engagement.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear agreement with the topic and supports this stance with relevant arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Good use of linking words and phrases to create flow between ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • required
  • unpaid
  • community work
  • benefit
  • teenagers
  • life skills
  • volunteering
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • socially aware
  • responsible
  • interact
  • diverse backgrounds
  • cultural understanding
  • tolerance
  • work experience
  • essential skills
  • employment
  • interests
  • passions
  • career development
  • contribute
  • betterment
  • development
  • local community
  • mental well-being
  • stress
  • self-esteem
  • burden
  • academic
  • personal lives
  • time management
  • support
  • balance
  • participate
  • encouraged
  • numerous benefits
  • individuals
  • conclusion
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