IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, young people tend to rush into independence. Many of them leave home to study or work while still in their teens. Do you think it is positive or negative?

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In today's era, It is an undeniable fact that early independence for teens has always been a
debateable
Correct your spelling
debatable
 issue.Few
people
Use synonyms
 fly
to
Change preposition
apply
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abroad for their studies,
whereas
Linking Words
 others start working for
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 living. In my opinion, there are both positive and negative aspects of
this
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 problem, which I will discuss in
this
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 essay. On the
first
Correct word choice
other
show examples
 hand, when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
Use synonyms
started
Wrong verb form
start
show examples
 living away from
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
 it helps them to become responsible, self-independent and they start respecting the value of money.
Also
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, the ongoing trend for students which is completing secondary education and
go to
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 abroad for
further
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 studies or working over there helps their families
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
.
For example
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, a survey has been conducted in Canada and they
find
Wrong verb form
found
show examples
 out, that 90%
students
Change preposition
of students
show examples
 who
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
 send money back home to their families for
living
Add an article
a living
show examples
.
Moreover
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, they learn
variety
Add an article
a variety
the variety
show examples
 of skills,
such
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 as cooking,cleaning and management of time.
On the other hand
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, Living independently
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 some negative impacts as well.
Handful
Add an article
A handful
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 don't care about
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 studies and work, once they start living on their own.
For instance
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, In a survey conducted by Australia, 50% of immigrants were found drug
addict
Fix the agreement mistake
addicts
show examples
. Moving
furthur
Correct your spelling
further
, many of them
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
track by adapting
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 bad society and start doing illegal activities.
Also
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, some of them don't know how to cook which can disturb their balanced diet. In conclusion, There are numerous facts that living solely can be advantageous and
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 to become responsible and independent, But we need to focus on
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 path
otherwise
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, some
people
Use synonyms
ends
Change the verb form
end
show examples
 up
lossing
Correct your spelling
losing
 everything by choosing
this
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 path.

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task achievement
The introduction could be clearer. Try rephrasing it to establish your position more explicitly right from the start.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly link ideas between sentences and paragraphs for better flow. Using transition words can help with this.
task achievement
When providing statistics or examples, ensure they are presented clearly and accurately. This will strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Work on sentence structure and punctuation to improve clarity and readability.
task achievement
You've identified both positive and negative aspects of independence, which shows balanced reasoning.
task achievement
Your examples from surveys provide context to your argument, which is a good way to support your points.
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