IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, many suffer from health issues due to eating too much fast food. That’s why it is necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In recent years,
health
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issues
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are
Wrong verb form
have become
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 a main concern for modern
people
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. Some argue that it is necessary for authorities to impose a higher tax on
junk
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food
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 to improve
people
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’s well-being. In my opinion, I firmly disagree with the statement and here are some reasons. First and
formost
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foremost
for most
, the regulation of taxing
junk
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food
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 only targets
people
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 from low-income groups. Most
underpriveledge
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underprivileged
people
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 choose to eat
junk
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food
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 since it is affordable and convenient , and they don’t have spare time and money to make a healthier choice. It is unreasonable for the government to deprive their right to survive only to enhance
people
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's
overall
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 well-being. Eventually, it not only can’t solve the rooted
health
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issues
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 of citizens, but it
also
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 imposes
further
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 financial
burden
Fix the agreement mistake
burdens
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to
Change preposition
on
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 the minority.
Additionally
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, it is more efficient to address
health
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issues
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 by offering incentives to encourage
people
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 to consume healthier
food
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. In most cases, nutritious
food
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such
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 as fresh vegetables, fruits, and
all-grain
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an all-grain
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 diet, is more expensive and
therefore
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lowering
Wrong verb form
lowers
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people
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's intention of buying them. To be specific, governments can financially support local farmers and encourage them to reduce the cost of production. Eventually,
these healthier
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this healthier food
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food
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 will be more affordable and accessible to
general
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the general
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 public, and the
health
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issues
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 will
natually
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naturally
 be addressed. In conclusion,
although
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 some
people
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 suggest
to impose
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imposing
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tax
Add an article
a tax
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 on
junk
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food
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 to reduce
health
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issues
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, I firmly
diagree
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disagree
 with it since it negatively influences
the
Correct article usage
apply
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low-income groups.
Instead
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, the government can promote healthier
food
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 to better address these problems more efficiently.

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language
Make sure to proofread your essay to correct spelling errors such as 'formost' (firstly) and 'underpriveledge' (underprivileged).
development
While your ideas are clear, consider providing more specific examples or data to support your arguments. For example, mention studies showing how taxing junk food has affected consumption rates in other countries.
coherence
Consider improving the logical flow of your paragraphs by using transitional phrases. This will help your readers follow the progression of your argument more smoothly.
structure
Your introduction clearly states your position and outlines the main argument of your essay, setting a clear expectation for the reader.
content
You provide a meaningful alternative solution by suggesting incentives to promote healthier food, showing your ability to think critically about the issue.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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