In some countries, young people have become richer, healthier and live longer, but they are less happy. What are the causes? What can be done to address this situation?

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In recent years, it has become far normal for young people to become richer, stronger and live longer,

however

Linking Words

, they feel less happy.

Although

Linking Words

there are some reasons behind it, I personally believe that

parents

Use synonyms

should address

Change preposition

apply

show examples

this

Linking Words

issue. On the one hand, the main reason for their

boredom

Replace the word

boring

show examples

lifestyle is less attention or high pressure

Change preposition

from

show examples

their family member.

In other words

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major

Add an article

a major

the major

show examples

part of family members devote less time

for

Change preposition

show examples

their infant because of

busy

Correct pronoun usage

their busy

show examples

schedule

Fix the agreement mistake

schedules

show examples

For example

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, if children have access to

every thing

Correct your spelling

everything

show examples

but have not knowledge how to solve daily issues, they start to feel themselves more useless and upset. Given that, only

parents

Use synonyms

may teach their infant how to find

optimistic

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an optimistic

show examples

way during

growing

Add an article

the growing

show examples

period. As

result

Correct article usage

a result

show examples

, young people could not

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

find love from their loved ones.

Solution

Add an article

The solution

A solution

show examples

this

Linking Words

case may become simple,

parents

Use synonyms

should address their infant child to solve their problem and give them much attention.

That is

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to say, it

scientifically proven

Add the auxiliary verb

is scientifically proven

show examples

that, children always expect from their family words

such

Linking Words

Change the capitalization

show examples

love you or they feel

themselves

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

happier when

spent

Wrong verb form

spend

show examples

time together.

Consequently

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connection

Add an article

the connection

a connection

show examples

between family members would be stronger and

instead

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of feeling down, teenagers can feel

sense

Add an article

a sense

show examples

of belonging when they have

person

Add an article

a person

the person

show examples

who

Change the pronoun

whom

show examples

they might rely on. In conclusion, despite having

healthy

Correct article usage

a healthy

show examples

and wealthy

life style

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

show examples

sense

Correct article usage

a sense

show examples

of boredom happens frequently and I personally believe that, to solve

this

Linking Words

issue

parents

Use synonyms

need to focus more

their

Change preposition

on their

show examples

children.

uluga2002Wed Apr 23 2025

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coherence and cohesion

Try to enhance the logical flow of your essay by using clearer transition phrases between ideas and sections. For instance, use words like 'firstly', 'additionally', and 'finally' to guide the reader through your arguments.

task achievement

Your thesis statement could be more explicit in outlining the main points you will discuss in the essay. Consider mentioning both the causes and solutions more clearly in your introduction.

task achievement

Provide more specific and detailed examples to support your main ideas. For example, you could elaborate on how parental attention affects a child's emotional well-being or give specific instances of activities that strengthen family bonds.

task achievement

You have presented a clear position on the topic, emphasizing the importance of parental involvement in children's happiness.

coherence and cohesion

The structure of your essay is generally logical, and you have made an effort to distinguish between causes and solutions.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

244 words

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In some countries, young people have become richer, healthier and live longer, but they are less happy. What are the causes? What can be done to address this situation?

Your opinion

Some people say that a lot of scientific research done today is a waste of time and money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

You want to sell some of your furniture. You think a friend of yours might like to buy it from you. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter • explain why you are selling • describe the furniture • suggest a date when your friend can come and see the furniture

News media are important in modern society. Why are they so important? Are their influences generally positive or negative?

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative mmedicines and treatmens instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

To what extent has the internet made life more convenient? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.