IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

While some people think youth should adhere to the customs of their society, others believe they should be allowed to act independently and develop their own identity.Both views will be discussed in this essay.

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While
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 think youth should adhere to the customs of their society, others believe they should be allowed to act independently and develop their own identity.Both views will be discussed in
this
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 essay. Most
of
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apply
show examples
rules and
traditions
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 are
forming
Wrong verb form
formed
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 by nationality. Every nation is unique with its
traditions
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 and customs, behaviour of
people
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 from different nations can be different and strange to each other.
For example
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,
people
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 from Europe and Asia have different outlooks because Asian culture is much better, the main argument is that the first thing that the culture of Asia demands
the
Correct article usage
apply
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respect for older
people
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. In my opinion,
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
traditions
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 and mentality
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 in the Caucasus region. They are called children of mountains,
greatest
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the greatest
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 and
holy
Correct quantifier usage
most holy
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 things for them are respect for elder
people
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,
honor
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honour
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 and motherland. 95% of families in
this
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 great region follow their national
traditions
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. Young
people
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 there have limited rights, they learn some norms in their childhood and are adopted. Briefly, in my opinion,
this
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 is the best tradition ever. The modern period demands more
freedom
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, especially
the
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for the
show examples
 young generation, they want to act in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 way they want.
Also
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, they want to make decisions themselves, but unfortunately, most of these choices fail because they do not have enough experience. Of course,
freedom
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 is not only a feeling it is
also
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 an essential part of life. But we should not cross the line, because our independence can harm other
people
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 among us.
Freedom
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 should not be confused with rudeness. In conclusion, some believe that the younger generation should stick to cultural
traditions
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,
while
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 others argue that they should have the
freedom
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 to express themselves as individuals.

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Task Response
Expand on the discussion of cultural customs and independence by providing more balanced arguments for each side.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve logical structure by ensuring a better flow between paragraphs and clearer topic sentences.
Task Response
Include more specific examples to support your claims, particularly around modern freedoms and their potential downsides.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clarify and refine some of your language to avoid ambiguous statements, such as the characterization of cultures.
Task Response
You successfully outlined the two contrasting views, indicating a clear intent to address the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarises the main points discussed in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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