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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram below shows information about student attendance in various schools. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows information about student attendance in various schools. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart depicts the number of
students
Use synonyms
 enrolled in some schools from 2001 to 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
, Royal Latin, Didcot Secondary, and Seven
Oaks
Use synonyms
 showed fluctuating
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
, despite
this
Linking Words
Oaks
Use synonyms
 Secondary presented the highest number among other schools. Meanwhile, Page Hills experienced upward trends during the years. As can be seen, Seven
Oaks
Use synonyms
 and Didcot Secondary experienced an unstable
trend
Use synonyms
, but Seven
Oaks
Use synonyms
 reached the highest number of admissions, about nearly 1000
students
Use synonyms
. By 2003, Didcot Secondary increased minimally from just above 600 to around 700 and
then
Linking Words
 remained stable for
year
Add an article
a year
show examples
. It dropped
immidietly
Correct your spelling
immediately
 immediately for two years until it reached again to around 700 again.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Royal Latin illustrates an upward
trend
Use synonyms
 over the period,
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 about 300
students
Use synonyms
 to nearly 800
students
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Page Hills
also
Linking Words
 showed
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
trend
Use synonyms
 as well, from 2001 until 2004 and it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
rose to nearly 500 admissions.
However
Linking Words
, there was a minimal fall one year later,
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 around 50
students
Use synonyms
 to about 450
students
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, oaks, trend with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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