IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city

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The topic" In some countries
university
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students
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 live at
home
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 with their family
while
Linking Words
 they study,
whereas
Linking Words
 in other countries
students
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 attend
university
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 in another city" is an ongoing debate.In my point of view,both of the given situations have their advantages and disadvantages. I strongly support the latter one.The
students
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 who are staying in other cities to attend the
university
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 become more independent in terms of living because they are solely responsible for their possessions, lifestyle,
well being
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well-being
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 etcetera.They learn
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 by staying away from
home
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.
Also
Linking Words
 in the other cities, there is always a possibility of more no of opportunities and exposures as compared to their own city.As they are staying
full time
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full-time
show examples
 with other
university
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students
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 ,they become more
competative
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competitive
 in terms
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studies
Change preposition
of studies
show examples
 and
extra corricular
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extracurricular
 activities.They
also
Linking Words
 get a chance to socialize with foreign
students
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 and can learn a foreign language apart from their mother tongue
On the
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contrary
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contrary,
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 there is a chance that they will misuse their freedom of staying away from
home
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 and get spoiled.So
its
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it
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 differs
student
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from student
show examples
 to student.Not all like to abuse their freedom and kill
future
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the future
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.Some
students
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also
Linking Words
 become homesick which can create a hindrance in their
studies
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 and health.Some
students
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also
Linking Words
 feel
financial
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the financial
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 pressure of renting on their own and buying other things which are the
exemple
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examples
 of extra costs and efforts
invloved
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involved
 during
studies
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.
On the other hand
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 , the
students
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 who
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
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 to stay with their
parents
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 are likely to become more
dependant
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dependent
show examples
 on
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parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
 for everything.They stay at
home
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 and depend on
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parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
 for small
small
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
things which
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 them really lazy and
dependant
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dependent
show examples
. which creates
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 in future. Many
studies
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 have suggested that
students
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 who stay away from their
parents
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 in a different city are likely to participate more
on
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in
show examples
extra curricular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
show examples
 activities and get a chance to socialize with international
students
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 which gives them a broader perspective of becoming future leaders.
Hence
Linking Words
 In my opinion ,keeping both advantages and disadvantages in mind,I strongly believe that staying away from
home
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 during
university
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studies
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 helps you become
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 human and a leader.

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Task Achievement
Make sure to clearly define your main arguments and back them up with specific examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on transitioning between ideas and paragraphs more smoothly to enhance the flow of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Avoid spelling and grammatical errors to improve clarity, such as 'alot' should be 'a lot', and 'corricular' should be 'extracurricular'.
Positive Point
Your essay presents a clear opinion and structure, discussing both sides of the debate on university living arrangements.
Positive Point
You provide good points illustrating the potential benefits of studying away from home, such as independence and broader exposure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
What to do next:
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