There are many reasons that can mortivate a person to stay for the same company. Some believe that money is the main factor. Do you agree or disagree ?

There is no doubt that, these days, many reasons can assist an employee to continue working for the same organisation.
Such
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as salary and other financial advantages.
This
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article is completely neutral. In
this
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essay, we will discuss
this
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topic.
To begin
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with, Several
people
Use synonyms
prefer to
stuck
Change the verb
stick
show examples
with the same company in their career for many causes like the big chance to get
promotion
Correct article usage
a promotion
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in the future to upper positions
such
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as General manager or CEO.
Furthermore
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, a lot of personal benefits motivate a person to
aviod
Correct your spelling
avoid
transfer to another company.
For example
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, statistics provided by Harvard University in 2022 showed the percentages of individuals prefer to stay in one organisation. The result was
70
Correct word choice
that 70
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% are gone with their personal benefits. Highlighting the importance of
offer
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offering
show examples
a variety of positives for the employees.
In addition
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, numerous
people
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hold the opposite view that money is not the primary
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
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. Because many
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
have other causes to keep with their contracts like
suitable
Correct article usage
a suitable
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environment and good
relationship
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relationships
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with their teammates.
Moreover
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, several
staffs
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staff
show examples
keen to make their companies close to the residential areas. Because it is the most important feature for everyone
according to
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the Japanese Research Centre. They said
people
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who live near
to
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apply
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their work region are more comfortable than others who live in far away homes
To sum up
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, there are numerous explanations that motivate employees to stay in the same place.
For instance
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, money, promotions and relationships. In my opinion, it is essential factors that help
people
Use synonyms
to stay in their jobs.

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction could be more clearly structured by stating your opinion clearly and elaborating on the main points you will discuss in the essay.
Task Response
Make sure to proofread for grammatical errors and word choices (e.g., 'assist an employee' could be 'encourage an employee').
Task Response
Try to provide more specific examples or data, especially in the second paragraph to strengthen your arguments about factors other than money.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a balanced view by presenting both sides of the argument, which is a positive aspect of the task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps readability.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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