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Writing Samples
Band 5

The diagram below shows the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process and how cement is used to produce concrete for building process

The diagram below shows the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process and how cement is used to produce concrete for building process
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The two pictures illustrate how
cement
Use synonyms
 and concrete are produced with different tools in order to construct buildings.
Overall
Linking Words
, the process involves a total of 6 steps from a mixer of clay and limestone particles to heating and grinding to packing into bags.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
cement
Use synonyms
 is mixed with other components
such
Linking Words
 as water, sand, and tiny stones to convert it into a concrete mixture.
According to
Linking Words
 the picture, there are several stages in the procedure of
cement
Use synonyms
 production.
Firstly
Linking Words
, two products which are limestone and clay are crushed into powder. After that, the mixture is passed through a tube where it is treated with heat in the rotating heater. In the next stage, the warmed substance is
grinded
Correct your spelling
ground
show examples
 to form
cement
Use synonyms
 and is
further
Linking Words
 packed equally into packages.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in the formation of concrete, four elements are jumbled together in different proportions into a big container.
This
Linking Words
 includes half of gravel, a quarter of sand particles, 15% of
cement
Use synonyms
, and 10% of water. All the particles are mixed in a rotating tank and
as a result
Linking Words
, a mixture is formed which is
then
Linking Words
 used in construction.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "furthermore".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cement with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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