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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar graph shows the global sales (in billions of dollars) of different types of digital games between 2000 and 2006

The bar graph shows the global sales (in billions of dollars) of different types of digital games between 2000 and 2006
The bar chart illustrates the global
sales
Use synonyms
 of varied
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of digital
games
Use synonyms
 from 2000 to 2006.
Sales
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 measured in
billions
Use synonyms
 of dollars.
Overall
Linking Words
, the global
sales
Use synonyms
 of four types of
games
Use synonyms
 in
billions
Use synonyms
 like Handheld, Online and Mobile Phone
games
Use synonyms
 had a period of growth over the period
while
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the Consoles ones reduced between 2000 and 2006.
It is clear that
Linking Words
, in 2000, the Handheld
games
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 the
popular
Correct quantifier usage
most popular
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 ones
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
 among the others, it shows nearly 10
Use synonyms
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
 and it started growing minimally year by year. By the end of 2006, it reached
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a high peak
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
, its growth shows approximately 18
Use synonyms
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the Mobile Phone
games
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 about 1.5
Use synonyms
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
 in 2002
then
Linking Words
 it started slightly increase over the period. It reached over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
6
Use synonyms
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
. It can be seen that, in 2000, the Console
games
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 6
Use synonyms
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
show examples
 of invests, at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first and it started decreasing, from 2000 to 2006, it shows nearly 3
Use synonyms
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Online
games
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 under
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
3
Use synonyms
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
 in 2001 and lifted significantly,
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 rise illustrates
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
9
Use synonyms
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
 by the end of 2006.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, games, billions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Trends
  • Surpassed
  • Advent
  • Steady growth
  • Fluctuating sales
  • Technological advancements
  • Proliferation
  • Year-on-year growth
  • Factors influencing
  • Peak sales
  • Demographic shifts
  • Engagement
  • Driving the sales
  • Blockbuster titles
  • Major game releases
  • Spurring
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