IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today.

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The two maps illustrate significant changes that have occurred in Grange
Park
Use synonyms
, located off Arnold Avenue, between 1920 and the present day.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
park
Use synonyms
 has been completely transformed from a simple, traditional layout into a modern recreational space with enhanced facilities for public use. In 1920, there was a fountain at the centre of the
park
Use synonyms
, surrounded by a pathway and seating areas on both the west and east sides. The western side
also
Linking Words
 featured a stage for musicians,
while
Linking Words
 rose gardens were situated near both entrances. Today, the central fountain has been replaced by a large rose garden encircled by benches. The stage on the west side has been removed and replaced with an amphitheatre for concerts. On the eastern side, the former rose garden has made way for a café.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the area that once housed a glasshouse in the southeast corner has been redeveloped into a water feature, and a children’s play area now occupies the space north of it. A new entrance leading to an underground car
park
Use synonyms
 has
also
Linking Words
 been introduced at the southeastern edge.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider adding a brief conclusion to summarize the main changes, reinforcing the overall transformation of the park.
coherence and cohesion
While the descriptions are clear, using transition words (e.g., 'In addition,' 'Furthermore') could enhance the flow between points.
task achievement
You have presented a very complete response; however, including a few more specific details or comparisons between the two time periods could strengthen your ideas.
task achievement
The essay clearly outlines the significant changes to the park, effectively addressing the task requirements.
coherence and cohesion
The organization of the information is logical, with a clear distinction between the features from 1920 and the present day.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • recreational facilities
  • landscaping
  • naturalistic
  • amenities
  • formal gardens
  • ergonomic
  • symmetric designs
  • inclusive
  • accessible
  • accommodations
  • native plant species
  • societal changes
  • visitor services
  • community events
  • evolution
  • modern playgrounds
  • wildflower meadows
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