IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that you can learn more about another country by watching television programmes and films about it then actually visiting it. How true is this statement? is there anything you can learn about another country by visiting it that you cannot learn by watching programmes and films about it? give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own experience,

Having knowledge about another
country
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 is something amazing for some
people
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, especially if we can visit the
country
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 by ourselves.
However
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, in the digital era,
people
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 can learn about another
country
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 not only by reading
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
books but
also
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watching
Change preposition
by watching
show examples
on
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apply
show examples
TV
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 or surfing
on
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apply
show examples
the internet.
While
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people
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 argue about better we visit the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
other
country
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for knowing
Change preposition
to know
show examples
 it specifically,
on the other
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hand
Add the comma(s)
hand,
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 I strongly believe that watching
on
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apply
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some
programmes
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
TV
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 or watching
movies
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 can
also
Linking Words
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
benefit for
people
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 to know better about the other
country
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.
First,
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watching some
TV
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programmes
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 will give
people
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 so much
information
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 about other
countries
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 that they have not visited before.
For example
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, channel
TV
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such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 National Geography, BBC English, NHK Japan. National Geographic or Nat Geo has several types of
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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documentation, not only for animals but
also
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 about other
countries
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 with their cities or even specific about their cultures.
Additionally
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, some
programmes
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 talk directly about their
country
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 on their national
TV
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programmes
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. NHK is talking so much about Japan specifically and driving Japan's heritages and cultures for
people
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 around the world.
Thus
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, BBC from the UK, is speaking so much about the United Kingdom and educating
people
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 around the world by their educational program spreading out the English language to encourage
people
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 to learn
english
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English
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.
Second,
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movies
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 or films have
taken
Verb problem
had
show examples
 a big impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
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 to know another place
beside
Change preposition
besides
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 their originated place. For some
reasons
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reason
show examples
, after watching a
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movies
Fix the agreement mistake
movie
show examples
people
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 get curious about the
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movies
Fix the agreement mistake
movie
show examples
,
where
Correct word choice
and where
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 the
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movies
Fix the agreement mistake
movie
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 is made.
Moreover
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, watching
movies
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, based on true events, can
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
 specific
information
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 based on their type of
movies
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. In conclusion, learning about
another
Replace the adjective
another country
other countries
show examples
countries
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be
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 known
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 several ways,
such
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 as visiting the
countries
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, watching
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
TV
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programmes
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 or watching
movies
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.
Although
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 some may argue that visiting other
countries
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 can give good knowledge and
information
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 about those
countries
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, I believe that watching
movies
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 or
TV
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programmes
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 can
also
Linking Words
 give specific
information
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 foreigners.

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coherence and cohesion
The introduction could be more clearly structured. Clearly stating your position and the main points you will discuss will help guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to vary your sentence structures to enhance fluency. This can make your writing more engaging and easier to follow.
task achievement
Some ideas could be expanded further with detailed explanations or additional examples, especially in the second body paragraph.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents a relevant opinion.
task achievement
You've provided specific examples to support your points, which is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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