Advantages and Disadvantages of democracy Writing task2

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Nowadays,
democracy
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is becoming a widespread way of controlling the country.
While
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there are some benefits to
this
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, I believe we should not ignore the drawbacks. On the
one
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hand, the
government
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representatives control
according to
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a single procedure.
That is
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, everyone obeys
one
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law.
Moreover
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, in democratic countries, everybody has equal rights. It means the
government
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does not allow discrimination of the
people
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.
One
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of the position sides of
democracy
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is freedom. In a democratic society, citizens have the right to vote, express their opinions, and participate in decision-making processes.
Additionally
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, democratic countries always have supported their citizens,
such
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as the young generation elderly, disabled
people
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, and unemployed
people
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. I think
this
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is the best part of the
democracy
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.
However
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,
democracy
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also
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has it is disadvantaged.
One
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of the key issues is corruption. Many
people
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even
government
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employees prefer to get things done illegally rather than legally.
For example
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, rich businessmen or
government
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workers use their money or position to carry out their personal affairs.
This
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will be successful in many cases.
Furthermore
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, politicians may focus on popular opinions or promises to win votes, rather than making the best long-term decisions for the country. In conclusion,
democracy
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can offer some benefits like freedom, everybody having equal rights, and support their citizens, but it is negatives should
also
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be taken into account.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to provide a clearer structure to your essay by clearly separating the advantages and disadvantages into distinct paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are slightly awkwardly phrased and could be clarified for better understanding; review grammatical structures to enhance clarity.
task achievement
Include more specific examples for the advantages and disadvantages you discuss; this will strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You presented a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of democracy, which shows critical thinking.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay, which helps reinforce your arguments.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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