IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

(2024) A local college wants people with a job to come and talk to students about what it is like to work. You would like to come forward and talk to the students about your job. Write a letter to the principal of the college. In your letter, explain what you would like to talk about say why students would be interested in your job suggest a possible date and time for the talk

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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to show my interest towards delivering a speech to your
students
Use synonyms
, which could be helpful for
students
Use synonyms
 to foresee the work environment. I would like to give a roadmap to the
students
Use synonyms
. A roadmap that will cover areas like, how to discover opportunities,
how
Correct word choice
and how
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 can one become better at networking.
Moreover
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, the complete process of landing a job.
Although
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 I am not very professional at presenting in front of several people, I put my effort towards getting an elegant presentation ready. As I will be talking about my nomad lifestyle and flexible marketing job,
students
Use synonyms
 will adore
to listen
Change the verb form
listening
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 to the process. Nowadays, numerous amount of
teenage
Correct your spelling
teenagers
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likes
Correct subject-verb agreement
like
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 to achieve location and money freedom owing to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social media influencers. My speech will surely instigate their hunger for
this
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 kind of lifestyle. I would suggest a timeslot during the weekend at 5:00 PM. If you are unable to facilitate
this
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 time period, reply
me
Change preposition
to me
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 with
different
Correct article usage
a different
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 accommodation. I look forward to
see
Change the verb form
seeing
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 you soon. Yours sincerely, Jojo

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coherence and cohesion
Consider organizing your ideas more clearly into distinct paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea to enhance clarity.
task achievement
Ensure that your language is more formal and consistent throughout the letter, especially in an academic context.
task achievement
Your enthusiasm for presenting your job experience is commendable and clearly expressed.
task achievement
You have included relevant details about your job that could engage students’ interests.
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