IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the number of miles travelled in a year by men and women for six different purposes in a particular country.Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the number of miles travelled in a year by men and women for six different purposes in a particular country.Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The diagrams illustrate the number of
miles
Use synonyms
 journeyed in a year by
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of
miles
Use synonyms
 gradually
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 in purpose. The highest
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
six
Correct article usage
the six
show examples
 topics is work,
besides
Linking Words
, the lowest topic is day
trip
Fix the agreement mistake
trips
show examples
. When we see the chart, we can easily notice that it has many movements in the diagram.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the day trip is the lowest
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 six issues when it has about 5000
miles
Use synonyms
 for
women
Use synonyms
 and 10000
miles
Use synonyms
 for
men
Use synonyms
.
Next,
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
entertainment is the second lowest with more
10000
Change preposition
than 10000
show examples
miles
Use synonyms
 for
women
Use synonyms
 and 15000
miles
Use synonyms
 for
men
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
, work occupies the highest amount with
women
Use synonyms
 absorbing 30000
miles
Use synonyms
 for
women
Use synonyms
 and 35000
miles
Use synonyms
 for
men
Use synonyms
 is the highest
miles
Use synonyms
 for
men
Use synonyms
. Statistics not only illustrate data about
men
Use synonyms
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 more than
women
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 illustrate data about
women
Use synonyms
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 more than
men
Use synonyms
. Meeting friends is the third lowest
Use synonyms
miles
Fix the agreement mistake
mile
show examples
 in fact with
women
Use synonyms
 being 25000
miles
Use synonyms
 and
men
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 more than 20000
miles
Use synonyms
 about 23000
miles
Use synonyms
. Taking children to school is the third highest
Use synonyms
miles
Fix the agreement mistake
mile
show examples
 with
women
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 more than 25000
miles
Use synonyms
 about 27000
miles
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 more than 25000
miles
Use synonyms
 about 26000
miles
Use synonyms
. Shopping is the second highest
miles
Use synonyms
 in data,
women
Use synonyms
 intend 30000
miles
Use synonyms
 for the same work,
men
Use synonyms
 more than 25000
miles
Use synonyms
 about 28000
miles
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "besides".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words miles, men, women with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "diagrams" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "illustrate" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 7 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: