IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

There has been an increase in the number of children and youngsters committing crime. What are the reasons for this? What punishments should they receive?

These days, many and many young
people
Use synonyms
accidently
Correct your spelling
accidentally
 commit crimes. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will explain the reasons for
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
circumtances
Correct your spelling
circumstance
circumstances
ant
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 try to give proper solutions for their deeds. First of all,
parents
Use synonyms
 play
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
 role in their child's life, they should protect them from going on to
wrong
Change the article
the wrong
show examples
 path in life and when they become like robbers and thieves, in my opinion, it is all fault
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
.
That is
Linking Words
 to say,
parents
Use synonyms
 should control their children from childhood and show
the
Correct pronoun usage
them the
show examples
 right path when
their
Replace the word
they're
they are
show examples
 doing something bad,
helping
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 when they have trouble or give advice.
Secondly
Linking Words
, social media have
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 influence
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youngsters. When young
people
Use synonyms
 surf
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the internet watching videos, there is a chance to watch
unappropriate
Correct your spelling
inappropriate
show examples
 videos which will interest them
doing
Change preposition
in doing
show examples
 the same thing that they saw in
video
Add an article
the video
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 sometimes watch
Correct article usage
a program
show examples
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
how
Change preposition
about how
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 become criminals and every time
criminas
Correct your spelling
criminals
criminal
 say that they usually did what they saw, and when
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 watch
people
Use synonyms
 drinking
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
saw
Wrong verb form
see
show examples
 them
having
Verb problem
getting
show examples
 high and
also
Linking Words
try
Wrong verb form
trying
show examples
this
Linking Words
. I think, that
parents
Use synonyms
 should manage their child
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and restrict them
to become
Change preposition
from becoming
show examples
 close
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who have bad behaviour, habits like drinking, smoking and so on. Punish them by doing physical exercises or pressure them morally in extra case they should be given a week to not
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 anywhere and stay at home. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
summon
Verb problem
think
show examples
, that we should punish our future generation
not
Change preposition
by not
show examples
 hurting them
Linking Words
instead
Correct word choice
but instead
show examples
teach
Wrong verb form
teaching
show examples
 them what they can
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
and do not.

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task achievement
Your ideas need to be more clearly supported with specific examples that correlate directly with your arguments. For instance, you mention social media influencing behavior but could expand on this with more detailed examples.
coherence and cohesion
Improving the structure of your arguments will help. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence that aligns with the main question. Try to connect your points more logically.
language range and accuracy
Be careful with grammar and vocabulary. For instance, phrases like 'many and many' should be 'more and more,' and 'unappropriate' should be 'inappropriate.' Small grammatical errors can impact your clarity.
content knowledge
You have a clear understanding of the topic and the importance of parental guidance in preventing youth crime.
content knowledge
You display a good effort in attempting to connect ideas regarding social media's influence on youth behavior and criminal activity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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