IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of unemployed graduates, aged 20-24, in one European country over of two-year period. Summerise the information and reporting the main features, and making comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of unemployed graduates, aged 20-24, in one European country over of two-year period. Summerise the information and reporting the main features, and making comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The graph illustrates the percentage of people who
unemployed
Add a missing verb
were unemployed
show examples
 after graduation with the age of 20 to 24 in one European country in 2008 and 2009. There were significant fluctuations in both genders.
Men
Use synonyms
 started at 10% in
january
Change the capitalization
January
show examples
, 2008, which was higher than the figure of women at around 7%. After
Use synonyms
october
Change the capitalization
October
show examples
, 2008,
men
Use synonyms
 increased significantly to almost over 15% before
decreaing
Correct your spelling
decreasing
 by
september
Change the capitalization
September
show examples
 2009 after rising dramatically from just 11% in
july
Change the capitalization
July
show examples
, 2009 to approximately 22% in
Use synonyms
october
Change the capitalization
October
show examples
 2009.
In contrast
Linking Words
, women saw a similar trend with
men
Use synonyms
, but their gap was smaller. There was
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
significant growth in women from about 6% in
july
Change the capitalization
July
show examples
, 2008 to approximately 11% in
Use synonyms
october
Change the capitalization
October
show examples
, 2008,
whereas
Linking Words
 they
also
Linking Words
 experienced a gradual decline before
april
Change the capitalization
April
show examples
, but increased significantly after
april
Change the capitalization
April
show examples
, 2009, peaking at around 14% in
Use synonyms
october
Change the capitalization
October
show examples
, 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, the percentage of
men
Use synonyms
 was higher than the
womens'
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 figure, and
this
Linking Words
 trend continued by the end of the period.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, october with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: