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Band 6.5

The length of vacation that employees enjoy each year varies from job to job. Do you think people should have the same number of holidays regardless of their occupation? Explain your answer.

#length #vacation #employees #year #job #people #holidays #occupation
Everyone needs a break from work from time to time,
thus
, vacations have always constituted a crucial aspect of any job. Many people believe that, in order to be fair,
holidays
 should have an equal length regardless of the work.
However
, at the same time, others argue that its amount should depend on the occupation of the employee. Each of these views has both pros and cons. There have been many significant advantages of an equal
holiday's
Change noun form
holiday
show examples
 length for everyone. The most relevant of them is the fact that
such
 an approach ensures integrity. Except for the occupation each individual works hard
,
Correct word choice
and, therefore
show examples
therefore
, deserves equal treatment;
in contrast
, a different amount of free days can lead to social tensions.
As a result
, the same number of
holidays
 may be beneficial for society as not only does it ensure workers that they are treated fair, but
also
 reduces social tensions.
On the other hand
, everyone should have a right to settle his own number of free days for him or his employees. If you are a boss in your own company,
then
 you should have the possibility to extend your vacations, since you are the one who makes the rules.
Furthermore
, as an employer, you should
also
 be capable of setting a length of
holidays
 for your workers.
For instance
, a few additional free days may be treated as a bonus for the best employer, which would be beneficial for not only workers, as they can enjoy longer breaks, but
also
 for you, as they would work harder to get the
bouns
Correct your spelling
bonus
show examples
. In conclusion, I think that the number of
holidays
 should be dependent on the occupation.
Although
 its equal amount can reduce social tensions
as well as
 ensure integrity, I believe that employers should be able to settle various
lenght
Correct your spelling
lengths
 of vacations in order to either extend their break or award the best employee.
Submitted by kuba.glogowski on

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language use
Ensure varied vocabulary to articulate your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Try to add more specific examples or data points to strengthen your argumentation.
task achievement
The essay provides a well-rounded discussion of both perspectives on the topic, showing an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion aligns well with the essay's introduction and restates the author's stance clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph logically leads into the next, aided by appropriate cohesive devices, creating a natural flow throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fairness
  • parity
  • equality
  • work-life balance
  • morale
  • job satisfaction
  • burnout
  • rejuvenate
  • mental and physical health
  • productivity
  • efficiency
  • motivation
  • economic impact
  • social impact
  • leisure industries
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