IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Modern use of communication have reduced the amount of time for people to interact. This has negative impacts on social lives of people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that
recent
Correct article usage
the recent
show examples
 excessive
utilize
Replace the word
utilisation
show examples
 of social
media
Use synonyms
 apps
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 declined
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people's interaction in real
life
Use synonyms
 which in turn
act
Correct subject-verb agreement
acts
show examples
 negatively on
social
Correct article usage
the social
show examples
 lives of people .
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with the statement , because setting social
media
Use synonyms
app
Fix the agreement mistake
apps
show examples
 as the primary way of communication , will make it
harsh
Correct word choice
hard
show examples
 for people to interact in real
life
Use synonyms
 .
As a result
Linking Words
 , the
person
Use synonyms
 will face problems in developing their social character and making
freinds
Correct your spelling
friends
, which
also
Linking Words
 develop some serious health problems .
To begin
Linking Words
 with , the
utilize
Replace the word
utilisation
show examples
 of social
media
Use synonyms
 as a main way of communication will decline the social abilities of the
person
Use synonyms
 in their
life
Use synonyms
 .
Therefore
Linking Words
 ,
this
Linking Words
 will cause less interaction with society in real
life
Use synonyms
 , which in turn will destroy the
person
Use synonyms
's social activities .
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
This
Linking Words
 in the worst situation can cause depression ,
as
Change preposition
According
show examples
 a research done by the American University , one of the most developing causes of depression for 70% of the population is facing difficulties in their social
life
Use synonyms
 .
Secondly
Linking Words
 , spending most of the time using social
media
Use synonyms
 apps can cause health drawbacks .Despite the depression mentioned earlier , a study showed that excessive use of smartphones was
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 main reason for heart attacks
happened
Wrong verb form
happening
show examples
 for teenagers
while
Linking Words
 using
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 smartphones
as a result
Linking Words
 of declined activities .
Moreover
Linking Words
 , making new friends and developing social traits is the hardest thing a
person
Use synonyms
 suffering from addiction to social
media
Use synonyms
 might face . In conclusion ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
excessive
depending
Replace the word
dependence
show examples
 on social
media
Use synonyms
 as a main way of interaction has various negative impacts which can lead
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the destruction of the social
life
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
person
Use synonyms
 .

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

vocabulary and structure
Try to use more varied vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance the overall quality of your writing. Avoid repetitive phrases.
idea clarity and support
Make sure to focus more on clarity in your ideas and ensure they are well-supported by examples and explanations.
task response
The essay presents a clear stance on the issue, agreeing that excessive use of social media negatively affects social interaction.
content
The essay includes relevant points about social interaction and mental health, showing awareness of the topic's implications.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: