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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that you can only learn about the cultures of different place by traveling to there. other people think that you can learn just as much about these places from reading books and watching travel documentaries about them. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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In
this
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 modern era, it is important to know about the
cultures
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 of different regions which can be done either by travelling or by reading
books
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 and watching
documentaries
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. The
knowledge
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 about different
cultures
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 makes our migration easy and we can help our friends or families when they visit other places. I think we can learn about the
cultures
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 of different
countries
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 through reading
books
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, the
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 and by watching
travelling
Change the form of the verb
travel
show examples
documentaries
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. which will help to save our
time
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 and
money
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. I will discuss both of these ideas
along with
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 my own point of view in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, some
people
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 believe that exploring new places by travelling is a good way to know about the
cultures
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 of other
countries
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. To explain it in detail, when we visit the place, the
knowledge
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 we gain about the culture and tradition is more realistic.
Moreover
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, we can enjoy our life and make memories
while
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 travelling. It is useful to travel sometimes to get relief from the stress and make some changes in our daily routine. When we share our experience with others, they can
also
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 attain
the
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apply
show examples
knowledge
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 of other places.
On the other hand
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, others think that we can understand the
cultures
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 of different
countries
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 through reading
books
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,
internet
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 and watching
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
documentaries
Use synonyms
. Through these ways, we came to know about many other new
things
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such
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 as rules and regulations, and cultural practices which are followed in those regions. It will save
out
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apply
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time
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 and
money
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 as we are not spending huge amounts of
money
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while
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 getting the
books
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 or
Internet
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. We can save our
time
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 from travelling and invest that in some other work.
Moreover
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, some
people
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 are introverted and like to stay home,
it
Correct word choice
so it
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 will
better
Add a missing verb
be better
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 to take the
knowledge
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 without going anywhere.
In addition
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 to
this
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,
documentaries
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 are good for keeping the information in our brains because scenes can be remembered easily what happened and how
things
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 going on there.
For instance
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, I read a book about the wars
occurred
Correct pronoun usage
that occurred
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 in Himachal, i learned the history and cultural practices of that area.
Then
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 I shared with my friend because she was going to move there for her studies and my ideas helped her a lot when she visited there.
Hence
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, it is great to read
books
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 and attain the
knowledge
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 and share with others.
According to
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 me, I agree with the latter idea. I think we can easily learn about the
cultures
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 of different
countries
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 by reading
books
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 and watching films. It will save us
time
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 and
money
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 as I discussed earlier.
Moreover
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, we came to know about many good other
things
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 how
people
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 live there, which language they were using and about their dress code etc.
Therefore
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, it will be good to read
books
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 and use
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Internet
Add an article
the Internet
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 to learn about the
cultures
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 of other
countries
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.
To conclude
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, it depends upon the choices of
people
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 whether they prefer travelling or reading
books
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 to know about the
cultures
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 of other regions. I personally prefer to read and use the
internet
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 to explore new
things
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. There should be more development in the technology which will make more easier to get access to a varied variety of films.

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TASK ACHIEVEMENT
Your introduction effectively sets the context for the discussion, but try to increase clarity by sharpening your thesis statement. Make it clearer that you will be discussing both views before giving your opinion.
COHERENCE AND COHESION
In the body paragraphs, ensure that each point is clearly separated and linked back to your thesis. Use linking phrases and emphasize how each point supports the main argument.
TASK ACHIEVEMENT
Provide clearer examples to support your points. For instance, when mentioning reading as a means to learn about cultures, reference specific books or documentaries that could enhance understanding.
TASK ACHIEVEMENT
The essay demonstrates an understanding of both sides of the argument, which is essential for addressing the prompt effectively.
TASK ACHIEVEMENT
Good use of personal experience adds depth to your argument and makes your point relatable.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • immersive experience
  • cultural practices
  • emotional connections
  • historical contexts
  • social issues
  • broaden perspectives
  • knowledge gaps
  • complement each other
  • practical experiences
  • well-rounded knowledge
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