IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You should spend about 40 mins. Many people think that mobile phones should be banned in public places such as libraries, shops and public transport. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is believed by most individuals that smartphones should be prohibited in public areas.
While
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this
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 idea will reduce distractions
while
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 reading, shopping and travelling,
however
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, I do not endorse
this
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 thought. In my opinion, we can restrict the
use
Use synonyms
 of
such
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 a gadget but cannot avoid it completely.
This
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 is because we are addicted to its
use
Use synonyms
 and sometimes it assists in navigation and price matching the products online. Imagining your life without a
phone
Use synonyms
 in hand is a dream these days. Mobile phones are of great help when we are travelling. The " Maps" application on the
phone
Use synonyms
 guides us through an unknown route and we feel safe by following the directions as directed by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Google
maps
Capitalize word
Maps
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.
This
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 is particularly safe when we are
in
Change preposition
on
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 a bus or a taxi. No one can fool us and come to even know if we are new to the area.
Thus
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, carrying our
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
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while
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 on the go is a must.
For instance
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, when I went for my
Ielts
Correct your spelling
IELTS
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 speaking test
last
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 Wednesday, I had no clue about the route. As soon as I sat in the Uber vehicle, I instantly switched on the Maps feature and could even share my ride with my spouse.
This
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 distinctive feature made me feel confident and I could ensure that the driver
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 safe. The
use
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 of
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 electronic gadgets is significant in
such
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 times.
In addition
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, we are wired at all times and staying without it for even some minutes is impossible. We have become so addicted to our smartphones as all
day- to- day
Correct your spelling
day-to-day
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 tasks are now carried out on
this
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phone
Use synonyms
 with a click. Carrying bulky wallets, documents and even ID cards
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 thing of the past. We are
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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habituated to not clinging
along with
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 anything except our mobile
phone
Use synonyms
.
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Although
Correct word choice
However
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 restricting the
use
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 of
such
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 gadgets should be emphasized
due to
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 the distraction that it leads to.
Continously
Correct your spelling
Continuous
 beeping of phones in a library is a nuisance.
Its
Replace the word
It's
It is
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 a place where absolute silence is and should be observed. In conclusion, we are so glued to our mobile phones that it is difficult to stay without them
due to
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 the convenience of travel and
multitude
Correct article usage
the multitude
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 of things we do on it, but we should curtail its
use
Use synonyms
 in public spaces
such
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 as libraries.

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task achievement
Your introduction presents your opinion clearly, but consider rephrasing it to avoid redundancy (e.g., 'this idea will reduce distractions while reading, shopping and travelling, however, I do not endorse this thought' can be more concise).
coherence and cohesion
In the body paragraphs, while your main points are relevant, make sure to adequately develop them with more supporting details or examples.
coherence and cohesion
Your transitions between points could be improved for better flow. Linking phrases can help guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
task achievement
You've effectively conveyed your personal experiences to illustrate your points, which enhances the essay's engagement and relevance.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your main arguments well and presents a clear stance on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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