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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that you can only learn about the cultures of different place by traveling to there. other people think that you can learn just as much about these places from reading books and watching travel documentaries about them. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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Some
people
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 believe that technology has made everything easier, and we can find and feel everything through books and online media, like getting information about the
culture
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 of different places;
however
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, some
people
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 opine
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this
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on this
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 and think it would be a better option if individuals
traveled
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travelled
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 there and experienced everything. On the
first
Correct word choice
other
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 hand, some
people
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 are in favour of online media
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due to
Change preposition
for
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 two main reasons.
First
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The first
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 is
time
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 saving. To explain it, there are a plethora of blogs on YouTube that
people
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 make by
traveling
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travelling
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 to the
place
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. The more interesting fact about
this
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 is that when they show anything, they
also
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 provide the history behind
this
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, and
also
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 explain lots of myths,
along with
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 some famous things about the
place
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.
As a result
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, the masses know everything by sitting in their
place
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, and they don't need to travel and waste their
time
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. The second reason is cost; to clear it, some
people
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 are interested in getting knowledge, but
due to
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 cost, it is not possible for them to visit in person and see everything, so it would be a better option to use online platforms
On the other hand
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, opponents think that books, films, and other technologies can help to learn about
culture
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, but they have certain limitations,
such
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 as they can't give a realistic and intrinsic experience.
For example
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, when individuals visit any
place
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, they can see the beauty and they can talk with local
people
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, try to learn their language and their way of speaking more over they taste their famous cuisine. In
this
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 way, they make a lot of memories from
this
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place
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 which they always remember;
however
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, as compared with their experience,
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
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culture
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 from another source
is
Verb problem
makes it
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 easy to forget things after some
time
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.
To conclude
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, either learning something by travelling or by online media and papers both have their own pros and cons;
however
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, I choose to search it online because in
this
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 way I can save my money and
time
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 and learn about more than one
culture
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 in less
time
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.

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction could be more engaging. Consider rephrasing the first sentence to clearly state the two contrasting views before leading into your discussion.
Task Achievement
Expand on your arguments with more specific examples or studies to strengthen your points. For instance, including a personal travel experience or more detailed statistics could enhance your discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to explicitly summarize both sides in your conclusion. While you mention your preference, summarizing the key points made in both sides can provide a clearer closing argument.
Task Achievement
The essay does present two perspectives on the topic, offering a balanced view before stating your own opinion at the end, which is a good format.
Task Achievement
You provide clear reasons to support each argument, which contributes to understanding the differing views.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • immersive experience
  • cultural practices
  • emotional connections
  • historical contexts
  • social issues
  • broaden perspectives
  • knowledge gaps
  • complement each other
  • practical experiences
  • well-rounded knowledge
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