IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree of disagree with this opinion?

There is an idea that argues
music
Use synonyms
 is
universal
Add an article
a universal
show examples
 thing, which makes
people
Use synonyms
 together regardless of age and nationality.
This
Linking Words
 essay completely
agree
Change the verb form
agrees
show examples
 with that opinion and there will be given
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cultural and historical examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the power of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 to unite society.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
music
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 is an ancient way to celebrate specific events
such
Linking Words
 as
succesfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 hunting,
wedding
Fix the agreement mistake
weddings
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 and so on. In the past,
old
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the old
an old
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 population made a special musical instrument out of stone
as well as
Linking Words
 wood and used
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 to play
song
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songs
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.
For example
Linking Words
, "Gobustan Rock Paintings" in Azerbaijan, shows the importance of
music
Use synonyms
 in
lives
Correct article usage
the lives
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 of the
old
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older
show examples
 generations. Here, there were many
illustirations
Correct your spelling
illustrations
 about the
music
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 and dance on the rocks. From the earlier times to the present, the forms of the
music
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has
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have
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 changed but the meaning of it remained the same.
Moreover
Linking Words
, today
music
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 is
also
Linking Words
symbol
Add an article
a symbol
the symbol
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 of unity all over the world. Countries may use it to make nations more connected and provide the piece.
For instance
Linking Words
, there is an annual international
music
Use synonyms
 competition called "Eurovision" in which singers from different parts of the world show
performance
Fix the agreement mistake
performances
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. The main purpose of the contest is to bring
people
Use synonyms
 from varied cultures and ages,
in addition
Linking Words
, to
create
Wrong verb form
creating
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 a friendly atmosphere among nations. In conclusion,
music
Use synonyms
 has always been a powerful way to bring
people
Use synonyms
 together, no matter where they are from or how old they are. It has been used for centuries to celebrate important moments and connect different groups of
people
Use synonyms
. Today,
music
Use synonyms
 continues to help unite
people
Use synonyms
 around the world and create positive environments.

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Task Achievement
Try to provide more detailed explanations for your examples to enhance clarity and depth. For instance, expand on how the Eurovision contest specifically promotes cultural exchange.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure to proofread your essay for spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'succesfull' (successful) and 'illustirations' (illustrations), which can distract the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider structuring your paragraphs with clear topic sentences that outline the main idea being discussed, as this will enhance logical flow and cohesion.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the topic, agreeing that music brings people together.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed earlier in the essay, reinforcing your argument well.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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