IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree of disagree with this opinion?

Today, some members of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society think that
music
Use synonyms
 is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 appropriate approach
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 attracting the population together in terms of
cultures
Fix the agreement mistake
culture
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 and
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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. l absolutely agree with
this
Linking Words
 concept because different backgrounds and years of age cause a strong relationship and exchange of traditional values among
people
Use synonyms
. In
favor
Change the spelling
favour
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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music
Use synonyms
’s role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 international relations, it provides some positive benefits which are essential to meet
global
Add an article
the global
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 scale of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cultures and ages. One of them is vast communication and negotiation between individuals who represent
varios
Correct your spelling
various
 regions in
Use synonyms
music
Add an article
the music
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 sector. Because
music
Use synonyms
 is a successful way to bring
people
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
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 the same places like
sing
Wrong verb form
singing
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 a song and
arrange
Wrong verb form
arranging
show examples
 an event in
this
Linking Words
 sector.
Hence
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global relationships increase
throughout
Change preposition
through
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 day by day.
For example
Linking Words
, The
weekend
Capitalize word
Weekend
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 is a well-known singer in the world
Correct pronoun usage
who celebrate
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celebrate
Correct subject-verb agreement
celebrates
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 musical events each year
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 different countries
for reaching
Change preposition
to reach
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 a broad audience around the
regions
Fix the agreement mistake
region
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.
As a result
Linking Words
, he and his fans enhance strong negotiations
between
Change preposition
with
show examples
 each other and share their interest
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
exchange
Correct article usage
the exchange
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 of traditional values
improve
Change the verb form
improves
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 individuals’ perceptions and outlooks in
music
Use synonyms
. During,
chords
Correct article usage
the chords
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 and melodies of
music
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,
people
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 encounter
varios
Correct your spelling
various
 quotas and thoughts.
But
Correct word choice
However
show examples
 these differentiations do not affect their
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
music
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, they again
listen
Add the preposition
listen to
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music
Use synonyms
 and go
concerts
Change preposition
to concerts
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 regardless of cultural
difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
show examples
. Even it
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
to
Correct pronoun usage
us to
show examples
 learn new traditional habits and values around the world. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, the BTS is a popular band group
achieved
Correct pronoun usage
that achieved
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to
Change preposition
apply
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widespread
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Asian culture among teenagers. In summary, all young generations prefer to
adapt
Correct your spelling
adopt
show examples
 their image and even wear like them. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 is the best way to collect
people
Use synonyms
 regardless of their cultural differences and ages at the same place.
This
Linking Words
 idea
enhance
Change the verb form
enhances
show examples
 a strong relationship and
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 exchanging of traditional habits around the world.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to have clear topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more varied sentence structures and avoid repetition of words and phrases.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas with more detailed examples and explanations.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion on the topic and have good examples like BTS and The Weekend.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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