IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Animal extinction is a natural process, like the dinosaur did in the past. People have no reason to prevent this from happening.

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In recent years, animal preservation has become
a
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apply
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controversial for humankind.
While
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 some argue that animal
extinction
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 is an inevitable process and it is unreasonable for humans to prevent
this
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 from happening, I firmly disagree with the statement. First and foremost, protecting wild
animals
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, especially those endangered species
,
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apply
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 can contribute to the earth’s
overall
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 biodiversity. To be specific, biodiversity plays an important in maintaining and
stabalizing
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stabilising
 our ecosystem, and the
extinction
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 of specific species may lead to significant
consequances
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consequences
 that threaten humankind.
For example
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, if birds in
a
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an
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 area go
extincted
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extinct
, that means that there is no top predictor in the area anymore.
Therefore
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, pests in the area will thrive and threaten local
agricultral
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agricultural
 products, which eventually lead to the lack of reliable food
resource
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resources
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 for
human
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humans
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 and other species.
Additionaly
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Additionally
, the main cause of animal
extinction
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 nowadays is
human
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humans
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, so it is necessary for
humnkind
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humankind
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to bears
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bears
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bear
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 the responsibility. Pollution, deforestation, and
over-exploition
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over-exploitation
 of
natrual resourses
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natural resources
 are all significant disasters associated with human
ativities
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activities
 and they easily fuel
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extinction
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the extinction
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 of vulnerable animal populations.
Sienctific
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Scientific
 research has shown that without
human’s
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human
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 interference, the likelihood of
animals
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becomes
Wrong verb form
becoming
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 endangered is negligible.
Hence
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, it is
reasaonbale
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reasonable
 for
human
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humans
show examples
start
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to start
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 to reverse
negative
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the negative
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 influences they
imposed
Wrong verb form
impose
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 on
animals
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 and prevent
extinction
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 from happening. In conclusion,
although
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 some contend that it is not human’s obligation to
take
Verb problem
apply
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response
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respond
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of
Change preposition
to
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animal’s
Change noun form
animal
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extinction
Use synonyms
 as it is an unavoidable natural process, I strongly disagree
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this
Change preposition
with this
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 idea since
animals
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 disappeared because of
human
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humans
show examples
 and
to preserve
Change the verb form
preserving
show examples
 them
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
further
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 advantages.

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task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines your position and states the main points you will discuss in the essay. A succinct thesis statement is essential.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences have minor grammatical inaccuracies (e.g., 'extinction of specific species may lead to significant consequences'). Proofreading can help catch these errors.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance the conclusion, briefly summarize the main arguments again for clarity and reinforce your stance on the issue.
task achievement
You present clear arguments and examples related to biodiversity and human impact on animal extinction.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a critical view against the idea of natural extinction.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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