Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

many
peaople
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people
belive
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believe
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that creative
subject
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subjects such
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as music art,
drama
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and drama
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are
important
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as important
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as
tradional
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traditional
school
subjects
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in primary education.
i
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I
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mostly
are
Verb problem
agree
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with
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this think
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think
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thinking
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beacuse
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because
these
subjects
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play a role in their
improvment
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improvement
life
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in life
show examples
. Creative
subjects
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help children their emotions and ideas in a unique way.
For example
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, through painting or playing a musical instrument, students can show their feelings and creativity, which is very important for emotional growth. These
subjects
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can
also
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help shy or quiet students gain confidence, especially through drama or group performances
Althought
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Although
, some people think that these
subjects
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are little useful compared to
subjects
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like math and science. It is true that basic academic skills are important, especially for future careers.
But
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However
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focusing only on these may limit children’s abilities and make school less enjoyable.
tradional
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traditional
Creative
subjects
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are
esential
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essential
.
According to
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me
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me,
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music
drama
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and drama
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art are
also
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very important especially skills
at
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in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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primary school, they help children
growth
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grow
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emonial
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emotionally
and improve their brain skills and enjoying
learn
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learning
show examples
.
this
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is
theri
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their
too will change the quality life and
worlwiew
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worldwide
worldview
for the best.

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grammar
Make sure to use correct grammatical structures. For example, instead of saying 'are important as tradional school subjects', it should be 'are as important as traditional school subjects'.
content
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. While you mention emotions, providing an example of a specific scenario would strengthen your argument.
coherence
Organize your paragraphs more clearly. Separate your points about the importance of creative subjects and your response to counterarguments into distinct paragraphs.
grammar
Ensure accurate spelling and word choice; for instance, 'traditional' instead of 'tradional' and 'emotional' instead of 'emonial'. Proofreading can help catch these mistakes.
content
You've effectively highlighted the importance of creative subjects for emotional growth and confidence in children.
coherence
Your conclusion emphasizes the overall benefits of including creative subjects in primary education, showcasing a clear perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • fostering
  • emotional intelligence
  • problem-solving skills
  • cultural awareness
  • curriculum
  • engaging
  • memorable
  • nurture
  • talents
  • core subjects
  • academic
  • professional success
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