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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

According to some people, death penalty must be used as a punishment for people who committed serious crimes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of capital punishment? Umar 2

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According to
Linking Words
 several individuals, the
death
Use synonyms
 penalty
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
must be used as a punishment for humans who commit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
serious offences. The advantage is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 already
died
Replace the word
dead
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 would be an example to others to prevent the number of
crimes
Use synonyms
,scaring them ,but the disadvantage is there is always a
chance
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 to kill inaccurate inhabitants. After serious offences,
instead
Linking Words
 of jailing for a long term,offenders should die, it would be a true example for
crimes
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 to not
comeback
Correct your spelling
come back
show examples
 to criminal .
Death
Use synonyms
 punishment means that there is no
chance
Use synonyms
 to survive thereby
people
Use synonyms
 begin to fear and beware of
death
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 and with a big possibility it could lead to not spreading of crime.
Moreover
Linking Words
, rapidly reduces heavy
crimes
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 .
For instance
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,
according
Add the preposition
according to
show examples
 International Criminal Court in Chinese after adding
this
Linking Words
 law there
wasa
Correct your spelling
was a
 dramatic decrease in almost all
crimes
Use synonyms
 for some quantity of time.
Possibility
Correct article usage
The possibility
show examples
 of incorrect execution can always
disturb
Verb problem
cause
show examples
people
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reject
Fix the infinitive
to reject
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this
Linking Words
 law. Currently, on our planet there always will be
occurrence
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occurrences
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, when lawyers on their own, by mistake
made
Wrong verb form
make
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 a conclusion to the
death
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 of
crimers
Correct your spelling
crimes
,who actually were chosen by mistake or by negligence, which can lead to
irrevirsible
Correct your spelling
irreversible
 consequences with no
chance
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to succeed
Change preposition
of succeeding
show examples
 in his case.
Nevertheless
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,
this
Linking Words
 happening daily and only fully stopping
this
Linking Words
 law can be a solution to
this
Linking Words
 issue and prevent innocent
people
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, recently in Brazil
was
Correct pronoun usage
there was
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 a case with several builders whose foreman died in mysterious circumstances,after discovering his body, policeman decided to put all fault
to
Change preposition
on
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 workers and
subsequently
Linking Words
 employees were killed by officers after several
time was
Verb problem
apply
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finding records from camera, where were found that manager tripped thereby by accidentally fell from 9th floor. In conclusion,the main positive is these rules definitely help with not spreading lawbreakers thereby deterring crime.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,the negative side of opportunity killing the wrong residents, by
chance
Use synonyms
 and unprofessionalism always will be.

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task achievement
Your introduction effectively outlines the key points of your essay, but consider rephrasing it to enhance clarity. Avoid phrases that may lead to confusion, such as 'already died people.' Instead, focus on expressing that executed individuals serve as a deterrent to crime.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph clearly supports the main argument. For the advantages section, include one strong main point followed by relevant examples. The same applies to the disadvantages section. Organizing your ideas clearly can improve overall cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
There are some grammatical issues that occasionally hinder understanding, such as 'after adding this law there wasa dramatic decrease.' Consider revising for clarity and accuracy. Proofreading can help eliminate these errors before submission.
task achievement
You effectively address both the advantages and disadvantages of capital punishment, showcasing a balanced view of the topic.
task achievement
Your use of examples demonstrates an understanding of how real-world situations relate to your argument, adding depth to your essay.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • capital punishment
  • deterrent
  • retribution
  • closure
  • heinous crimes
  • judicial system
  • marginalized communities
  • wrongful convictions
  • ethical concerns
  • life sentence
  • victims' families
  • financial implications
  • societal impact
  • justice system
  • penalty
What to do next:
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