IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that only employees who have worked at a company for a long time deserve to be promoted to a higher position. What is your opinion about this?

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Many
argues
Change the verb form
argue
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 that
only
Rephrase
apply
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promotion is only
intitled
Correct your spelling
entitled
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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employes
Correct your spelling
employees
show examples
 who served
Use synonyms
company
Add an article
the company
show examples
 for
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 duration. I disagree because skill evaluation and equality
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
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major
Add an article
a major
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 role in
Use synonyms
company
Correct article usage
the company
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while
Linking Words
 promoting someone. Certain organizations have certain
creteria
Correct your spelling
criteria
 and
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
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 for each
positions
Change to a singular noun
position
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. So when a new recruitment process takes place, all the
candidate
Fix the agreement mistake
candidates
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 get matched with the requirements.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
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this
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 can not be said for experienced
work
Replace the word
workers
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 who
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 worked in
Use synonyms
company
Add an article
the company
a company
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 for several
year
Change to a plural noun
years
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. They get to higher
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
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 without any necessary skills and examinations.
As a result
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, the business
have
Change the verb form
has
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 to suffer when the employee does not perform.
This
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happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
 often since the required step was not
follow
Wrong verb form
followed
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 to promote one.
For instance
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,
former
Correct article usage
the former
show examples
 owner of
Twitter
Add an article
the Twitter
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 app had several employees promoted based on their time span which resulted in various
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
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 of
Use synonyms
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
 either not working properly or
does
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not
play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
part
Correct article usage
a part
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 in achieving goals. Other
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 skill evaluation the sense of equality makes the
work space
Correct your spelling
workspace
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 stronger. If the person who started earlier
then
Linking Words
 the person who
join
Wrong verb form
joined
show examples
 recently
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
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 promoted even though the first person does not meet required have more potential.
This
Linking Words
 will create a poor quality of work environment, the
employes
Correct your spelling
employees
show examples
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 not feel safe as they not
get
Verb problem
be
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 treated equally.
Every one
Replace the word
Everyone
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 should get
equal
Correct article usage
an equal
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 chance despite their gender, age or superiority.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 can benefit the business as the competition will be higher for the role than
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an obligation to promote certain
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
.
For example
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, human tends to get lazy and graceful
of
Change preposition
in
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 something that they already believe to possess,
whereas
Linking Words
 a race to earn something motivates one.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I opine that
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 should consider qualification, evaluation and equal participation when
promotion
Replace the word
promoting
show examples
 an employee.

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Task Achievement
Consider revising your thesis statement to clearly express your main argument. It helps to state your opinion more directly at the beginning of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to guide the reader on what to expect in that paragraph.
Coherence and Cohesion
Be sure to proofread for spelling and grammar errors, such as 'employes' (should be 'employees') and 'creteria' (should be 'criteria'). These small errors can detract from the overall clarity of your essay.
Task Achievement
Your argument about skill evaluation being crucial for promotions is well-considered and reflects an understanding of fairness in the workplace.
Task Achievement
You provided a relevant example of the Twitter business situation which illustrates your point effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • tenure
  • employee loyalty
  • turnover
  • commitment
  • fresh perspectives
  • innovative ideas
  • complacent
  • performance-based
  • leadership skills
  • merit
  • potential
What to do next:
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