IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that the main aim of advertising is to improve sales of products that people do not really need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, a lot of owners spend a large of money to promote their
products
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 through advertising which is to expand their target customers. Some people believe that advertising is just to promote undemand
products
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.
Thus
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, I totally disagree with
this
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 statement because , in my view, owners will not spend money to promote unpopular
products
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 which is not beneficial.
Firstly
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,on
this
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 day several companies need to produce a similar
product
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 which offers
Correct article usage
a competition
show examples
competition
Replace the word
competitive
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 market of the merchandise.
Therefore
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, the way to stimulate sales is advertising to expand the target , customers.
However
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, the price of advertising is quite high because of the process
to produce
Change preposition
of producing
show examples
one
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 of each
thus
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 it is quite money to spend on a less-demand
product
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. Owners should balance the finances to develop a popular merchant and the company; especially, the personnel
such
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 as the research team, marketing team and other employees.
Secondly
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, in
this
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 digital era, many companies have their own websites for selling.
Hence
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 they manage the
product
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 which is undermined by e-coupons to discount the goods or create a campaign to vent the merchant
for example
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 by
one
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 get
one
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 free or buy some
product
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 to reach
specified
Correct article usage
a specified
show examples
 price and get free
one
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 merchant.
Above all
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this
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 method offers more customers to know the brand and it
also
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 saves the financial for advertising the
products
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 that people are not really interested in. In conclusion, advertising to promote unpopular
products
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 companies should balance the finances to support others'
products
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 and the employees.
Furthermore
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, in the modern age people are interested in the cheapest
product
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thus
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 is the way to vent the unpopular
product
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 and promote the brand at the same time which
this
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 way is more efficient than hiring an advertising company.

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task achievement
Improve your introduction by clearly stating your position regarding the aim of advertising and outlining your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly relates to your main argument and includes a clear topic sentence.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your claims, particularly regarding how advertising benefits popular products.
task achievement
You presented a clear stance against the idea that advertising primarily promotes unnecessary products.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow, moving from one point to another.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • advertising
  • consumer behavior
  • perceived need
  • luxury goods
  • brand loyalty
  • psychological tactics
  • emotional appeal
  • social status
  • purchasing behavior
  • essential products
  • marketed
  • information dissemination
  • misleading
  • want vs need
  • consumer awareness
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