IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In some countries، owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. why might this be the case? do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In many regions, it seems essential for
people
Use synonyms
 to have their own
house
Use synonyms
 rather than having
rent
Replace the word
a rented
show examples
 home. I believe
this
Linking Words
 may bring many benefits
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 for young
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 because of investment and convenience matters.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, owning a home can bring profit in the
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
show examples
 since housing
Use synonyms
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 tend to grow every
years
Change to a singular noun
year
show examples
. In many
develop
Replace the word
developed
show examples
 countries, new families have good
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 toward investment.
Instead
Linking Words
 of buying
unecessary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
 things, they often put aside their money on lucrative
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 including stocks, and housing.
Additionally
Linking Words
, It has become prevalent that housing
Use synonyms
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 increase every year,
selling
Rephrase
so selling
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 reasonable
price
Use synonyms
 is
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 potential decision.
Therefore
Linking Words
, investing in
Use synonyms
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
 would bring revenue in the future.
Moreover
Linking Words
, many
rent
Replace the word
rented
show examples
 houses are not equipped with proper environment and facilities. most of rent houses are small and
cramp
Wrong verb form
cramped
show examples
, and most of
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 have only two rooms, making
people
Use synonyms
 difficult to arrange their belongings in the
house
Use synonyms
. That said, if
people
Use synonyms
 want to have better facilities,
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 have to pay more,
this
Linking Words
 sometimes makes
people
Use synonyms
 think that it is better to have their
on
Correct your spelling
own
show examples
house
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 would have freedom
approachment
Correct your spelling
approached
approaching
 if they want to enhance their
house
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, having own
house
Use synonyms
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 positive development to many families
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 young
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 as
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 could sell their
house
Use synonyms
 in the future when the
price
Use synonyms
 is high and
also
Linking Words
 provide
comfortable
Replace the word
comfort
show examples
for
Correct word choice
so
show examples
 they can do anything with their own
house
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
install
Wrong verb form
installing
show examples
 an AC.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to provide a clearer introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss in your essay. Also, consider rephrasing to improve clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that your main points flow logically from one to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with grammar and word choice (e.g., 'the' vs. 'their' and 'on' vs. 'own'). Proofreading can help catch these mistakes before submission.
task achievement
You provide relevant ideas about the benefits of owning a home, especially for young families, which addresses the task well.
coherence and cohesion
You present your ideas in a structured manner with defined paragraphs, which provides a good foundation for coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural significance
  • financial investment
  • appreciation
  • legacy
  • privacy
  • customization
  • social status
  • sense of security
  • government incentives
  • tax deductions
  • community ties
  • economic growth
  • financial strain
  • mortgage commitments
  • property taxes
  • mobility
  • rite of passage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: