IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries
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The graph provides the percentage of the
population
Use synonyms
 aged 65 and from 1940 to 2040 in three countries
such
Linking Words
 as Japan, Sweden and
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the proportion of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 aged 65 and over have a period of
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 over the period.
It is clear that
Linking Words
, in 1940, the
population
Use synonyms
 of
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 was
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a high peak it shows under 10 per cent and it started rising significantly over 40 years. After that, it has
been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
slightly
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduced
show examples
throughout
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1980 to 2020. By the end of 20
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 it has lifted considerably, it shows between 20 and 25 per
sent
Correct your spelling
cent
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
,
initially
Linking Words
, Sweden was about 7.5 per
sent
Correct your spelling
cent
show examples
 and it started significantly rising year by year. Its growth illustrates around 25 proportion by 2040. It can be seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the percentage of Japan who aged 65 and over, was 5 per
sent
Correct your spelling
cent
show examples
 in the beginning. It has a period of stability between 1940 and 2000.
Than
Replace the word
Then
show examples
, it grew dramatically
quick
Change the word
quickly
show examples
 during the 40 years, it hit a peak
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the proportion, of
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
, It shows between 25 and 30 per
sent
Correct your spelling
cent
show examples
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words population with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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