IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that family has greater influence in child life and development as compared to other factors such as friends, tv, music and so on? Do you agree or disagree with the content ?

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I am part of the group that believes that the influence of family has a greater influence
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a
Use synonyms
child
Change noun form
child's
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 and development than other factors. But, it is
also
Linking Words
 relevant to state that I believe that these other influences
such
Linking Words
 as friends, school and extracurricular
activies
Correct your spelling
activities
has
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have
show examples
 an important
rol
Correct your spelling
role
 in their development. First of all, it is widely known that If a
kids
Change the noun form
kid
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 comes from a family that has given him/her the tools to grow up in a happy environment, with the opportunity to go to
a
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an
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 excellent school,
practice
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 some sports and have the chance to
lear
Correct your spelling
learn
show examples
 about culture and arts are going to have better opportunities later in
life
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. It is proved that these
childs
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children
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 are going to have a better future than the kids who
does
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do
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 not get
those kind
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that kind
those kinds
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 of chances. I'm convinced that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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families are the principal
responsables
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responsible
to promote
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for promoting
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 those kinds of
activites
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activities
 in the early stages of
life
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. In
second
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the second
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 term, a loving family
it
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apply
show examples
is going to look
out
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apply
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after the
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child
Change noun form
child's
show examples
 friends and activities that don't
led
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lead
show examples
 them in the way they are aiming for. We know that there are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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many factors that have a great impact
in
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on
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 our lives, some friends can be bad influences in our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, but if you have a family that protects you from them, you can
overpass
Verb problem
overcome
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 those things that aren´t good for you and become a better and
helthier
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healthier
 person. In
third
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the third
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 term, a
child
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 can be passionate about a sport, but if their family is not there to promote the activity, the
child
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 is not going to be able to
practice
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 it and achieve the goals or place in a competition. To give an example for
this
Linking Words
, if the parents don´t drive their
child
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 to
practice
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, he/
her it´s
Correct pronoun usage
she´s
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 not going to improve and, with time, the motivation to
practice
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 the sport it´s going to be over. In conclusion, there are many factors that are present in a
Use synonyms
child
Change noun form
child's
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 and can be
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 influence in their
life
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, but I believe that the family is the most important factor of them all. So I agree with the people that
states
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state
show examples
 that the family are the ones who have a greater impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a
chils
Correct your spelling
child
child's
 development.

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introduction
Ensure you have a clear introduction that presents your main argument or thesis statement in a concise manner. It should clearly outline the position you are taking.
conclusion
Aim for a more structured conclusion that succinctly summarizes your arguments and reinforces your position without introducing new ideas.
examples
Try to provide more specific examples to support your claims. For instance, cite particular studies regarding the influence of family or specific instances where family support has led to better outcomes.
argument
You present a clear argument in favor of the family influence, which shows your position on the topic.
content
The essay discusses multiple aspects of family influence, showcasing a broad understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • development
  • values
  • guidance
  • foundational
  • personality
  • behavior
  • intellectual
  • emotional
  • peer influence
  • external factors
  • dominant
  • adolescence
  • essential
  • impact
  • shaping
  • media exposure
  • role models
What to do next:
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