IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discovereis can be made from animal experiments Can animal experimentation be justified? Are there any alternatives?

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Some people believe that
animals
Use synonyms
 should be banned as the object of
experimentation
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others think that animal
experiments
Use synonyms
 can lead to some important scientific findings. In my opinion, to some
extend
Replace the word
extent
show examples
,
experiments
Use synonyms
 using
animals
Use synonyms
 can be justified
although
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 there are some alternatives that can be done to
replace
Correct pronoun usage
replace them
show examples
.
To begin
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 with, there are several reasons why people do
an animal
Correct the article-noun agreement
animal experiments
an animal experiment
show examples
experiments
Use synonyms
, especially for something that
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 related to humans.
Firstly
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, some
animals
Use synonyms
 have a similar biological structure
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 humans,
such
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 as bones, muscles, vessels, fat, etc. Another reason is that the experiment using
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 seems to be more convenient than
experimentation
Use synonyms
 on humans. To illustrate
this
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, most of the schools, which
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
consisst
Correct your spelling
consist
consists
consisted
 of elementary, junior high, and senior high school,
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
such
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 as rats in
oder
Correct your spelling
order
 to teach the students about the body structure of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
living things
beside
Replace the word
besides
show examples
 the usage of the replication of
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
 body.
Beside
Correct your spelling
Besides
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
educational reasons,
experimentation
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 on
animals
Use synonyms
 is often used for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
product testing, especially for cosmetics
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
. For
this
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 case, I agree that animal
experiments
Use synonyms
 should be reduced
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since there is
Correct article usage
an alternaive
show examples
alternaive
Correct your spelling
alternative
 that can be done
beside
Replace the word
besides
show examples
 using
animals
Use synonyms
 as the object of
experiment
Add an article
the experiment
show examples
. Some cosmetic brands are using plants to test the
compability
Correct your spelling
compatibility
 of the product. One example of
cosmetic
Correct article usage
a cosmetic
show examples
brands
Fix the agreement mistake
brand
show examples
 that
are
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 animal testing is “The Body Shop”, one of the remarkable beauty
brand
Fix the agreement mistake
brands
show examples
 that can be found in almost every shopping mall in the metropolitan city in Indonesia. All in all, I believe that
experimentation
Use synonyms
 on
animals
Use synonyms
 can lead to some important scientific discoveries.
However
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, the usage of
animals
Use synonyms
 as the object of
experiments
Use synonyms
 should be reduced in some
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of industries
such
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 as
cosmetic
Fix the agreement mistake
cosmetics
show examples
, in order to preserve the existence of the
animals
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
Support the main points with more detailed explanations and examples to enhance clarity and understanding.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider restructuring some sentences for better flow and clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure consistency in the use of terms, especially when referring to types of experiments or specific animals.
Task Achievement
Add a more definitive conclusion that clearly summarizes your stance on animal experimentation and alternatives.
Task Achievement
You present a balanced view of the argument, acknowledging both sides of the issue.
Task Achievement
The examples provided, such as The Body Shop, add relevance to your argument and are effective in supporting your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
You address the topic directly and maintain focus throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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