IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this question. Many people today are worried about *cybercrime' such as hacking and identity theft. What problems does *cybercrime' cause, and what solutions can you suggest for ordinary people and businesses to take? Give reasons for your answer, and provide ideas and examples from your own experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Developed technology makes
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 convenient but
highly
Correct article usage
the highly
show examples
 developed world
cause
Replace the word
causes
show examples
 cybercrime. Recently, we can handle important tasks online which is related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 or identity through applications like an online bank app. I am going to talk about problems
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 caused online and solutions for ordinary people and
businesses
Use synonyms
 to take in
this
Linking Words
 essay.  First of all, stolen individual's
information
Use synonyms
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to various
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 like stilling
money
Use synonyms
, utilizing
another
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
bullying, and
threating
Correct your spelling
threats
threatening
 from strangers.
Also
Linking Words
, stolen identity
information
Use synonyms
 can impact
saperate
Correct your spelling
separate
 firms and
this
Linking Words
 is
serious
Add an article
a serious
show examples
 issue since
Use synonyms
company
Add an article
the company
show examples
 is closely related to
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 of a country.
In addition
Linking Words
, stoke manipulation through stilling identity
information
Use synonyms
 causes
bankrupt
Replace the word
bankruptcy
show examples
 of a firm,
this
Linking Words
makes
Verb problem
leaves
show examples
 a
lot
Use synonyms
 of investors and employees dead.
For example
Linking Words
, in Korea, a
publitician
Correct your spelling
politician
 earned a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 using
sb's
Correct your spelling
SB's
show examples
 name illegally and
this
Linking Words
 caused
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
bankrupt
Replace the word
bankruptcy
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
 and
made
Verb problem
caused
show examples
 a
lot
Use synonyms
 of unemployees. So I want to suggest changing PIN often for ordinary people and
seperating
Correct your spelling
separating
operating
 power for
businesses
Use synonyms
 to prevent these problems. To be specific, the public
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to manage their
information
Use synonyms
 completely
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 not only changing
PIN
Correct pronoun usage
their PIN
show examples
 often but
also
Linking Words
 using
protect
Replace the word
protection
show examples
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
 during payment.
Hence
Linking Words
,
businesses
Use synonyms
 need
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
seperate
Correct your spelling
separate
power
Fix the agreement mistake
powers
show examples
 to monitor and limit
situation
Correct article usage
the situation
show examples
 of
businesses
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
 range of
businesses
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
, like Samsung and Apple,
seperate
Correct your spelling
separate
 responsibilities through a
lot
Use synonyms
 of positions.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 I have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
experience related
cybercrime
Change preposition
to cybercrime
show examples
. Users of Naver living abroad still
my
Add a missing verb
have my
show examples
 personal
information
Use synonyms
 and
login
Replace the word
log in
show examples
 to
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 application which is called Naver. That stranger invited my friends
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 a cyber room and
transmit
Wrong verb form
transmitted
show examples
strage
Correct your spelling
strange
 likes. Thankfully, I prevented
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
big bullying
through change
Change preposition
by changing
show examples
 PIN and
block
Wrong verb form
blocking
show examples
 abroad
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
. In conclusion, I know how cybercrime is a big deal. If
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 always care
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
submiting
Correct your spelling
submitting
 personal
information
Use synonyms
, we can save our
money
Use synonyms
,
acquaintance
Fix the agreement mistake
acquaintances
show examples
, and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
company
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the issues and solutions that will be discussed in the essay. A clearer thesis statement can guide the reader better.
language
Use more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to improve clarity and engagement. Avoid repetition of words such as 'stolen' and 'information'.
coherence
Provide smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance flow. For instance, using phrases like 'Moreover' or 'Additionally' can link your ideas more effectively.
detail
Expand on your examples, providing more context or details to strengthen your arguments and illustrate your points clearly. For example, elaborating on the consequences of cybercrime on individuals and businesses could be beneficial.
experience
You present a relevant personal experience related to cybercrime which adds credibility to your essay.
insight
Your awareness of the importance of cybersecurity practices is commendable and shows a proactive approach to addressing the issue.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: