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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in Australia, divided into three categories, from 2001- 2008 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in Australia, divided into three categories, from 2001- 2008 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The chart illustrates the total number of
minutes
Use synonyms
 that
Australian
Fix the agreement mistake
Australians
show examples
spends
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 on telephone calls in three categories from 2001 to 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, local calls spent the highest number of
minutes
Use synonyms
commensing
Correct your spelling
commencing
commenting
 from 2001 to 2008 and reached its peak in 2005. Meanwhile,
mobiles
Fix the agreement mistake
mobile
show examples
 calls and national & international calls showed
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 trend in over eight years. In 2001, local calls
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dominated the whole
categories
Fix the agreement mistake
category
show examples
 with its spending on 72
Use synonyms
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
minutes
Use synonyms
. It
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
significantly increased and reached its peak in 2005
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when it was 90 billion
minutes
Use synonyms
 of
call
Add an article
the call
a call
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, after
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 its peak, it showed a slight plummet over three years. Even though, it was still
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the top compared to
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two categories in 2008. The national and international calls
as well as
Linking Words
 the mobile calls depicted a positive trend. Mobile calls spent the lowest number of
minutes
Use synonyms
, yet it showed a dramatic growth from 2
Use synonyms
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
minutes
Use synonyms
 to 46
Use synonyms
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
minutes
Use synonyms
 in the
last
Linking Words
 year.
Similarly
Linking Words
, national and global calls in Australia increased significantly from 38
Use synonyms
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
minutes
Use synonyms
 in 2001 to 61 billion
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
minutes
Use synonyms
 in 2008.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words minutes, billions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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