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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the chnages in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the chnages in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
This
Linking Words
 line chart displays
indication
Add an article
an indication
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 of electrical devices in households and
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
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 of time for doing
Use synonyms
houseworks
Correct your spelling
housework
for
Change preposition
apply
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each
Change the determiner
every
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 7 days in
same
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the same
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 period.
Overall
Linking Words
,2 graphs consist of various
datas
Correct your spelling
data
 to
demonstration
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demonstrate
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 of relationship between appliances and hours of housework.
According to
Linking Words
 the first line,a maximum growth took happen in the usage of
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
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 from 0% to 100% .
On the other hand
Linking Words
,on the second line,amount of hours of
Use synonyms
houseworks
Correct your spelling
housework
 decreased dramatically from 1920 to 1960.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,between 1980 and 2019,the percentages of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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refrigerators remained stable
like
Change preposition
apply
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from 2000 to 2019 for
vacuum
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the vacuum
a vacuum
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cleaner
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cleaners
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
,based on data for washing
machine
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machines
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,there only slightly increased from 1980 to 2019.Meanwhile,in 1940 indicators of washing
machine
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machines
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,
refrigerator
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refrigerators
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 and vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
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closed
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close
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 to each other were 60%,55% and 50%,respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
,the percentages fluctuated between 50% and 10% for
Use synonyms
houseworks
Correct your spelling
housework
.There was a
slightly
Change the adverb
slight
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 change
after
Change preposition
from
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 1960 to 2019.To illustrate all differentiation,the indicators of
Use synonyms
houseworks
Correct your spelling
housework
 fell down to 10% from 50% within a given period.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words houseworks with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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