IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show the percentage of Australian men in three age groups who were employed in 1984, 2001 and 2014.

The charts below show the percentage of Australian men in three age groups who were employed in 1984, 2001 and 2014.
The bar charts provide key information about the
percent
Replace the word
percentage
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 of Australian males and females who
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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worked in three different categories in three
years
Use synonyms
. The unit
measured
Add a missing verb
is measured
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 in percentage.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graphs both genders in
age
Use synonyms
 (35-44) had mostly the highest value in all
years
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the elderly people
Use synonyms
age
Replace the word
aged
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from
Change preposition
apply
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(60-44) had the lowest percentage in the same period of time.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown,
Men with
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men aged
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age
Use synonyms
 15-19
years
Use synonyms
 old had approximately
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 value in 1984 and 2001.
While
Linking Words
Correct article usage
a slightly
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slightly
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slight
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 drop
accrue
Correct your spelling
occurred
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 for the same group in 2014 and reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
50% .
Whereas
Linking Words
, women with
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
range of
Correct your spelling
age range
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age
Use synonyms
 had the same
percent
Replace the word
percentage
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 in all
years
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the number of women
Use synonyms
age
Wrong verb form
aged
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 (35-44 ) increased in 2014 reached nearly 80%.
To sum up
Linking Words
, we could say that the highest
pertentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of boys and girls was in the
middle
Add a hyphen
middle-age
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age
Use synonyms
 category in 1984, 2001 and 2014.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years, age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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