IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays, it is not a surprise that the internet and social
medias
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media
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such
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 as
tik-tok
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TikTok
, Instagram and
facebook
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Facebook
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 have been impacting
on
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apply
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people
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’s decisions because news,
aids and
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AIDS
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,
even
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and even
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, influencers give
to
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apply
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us a lot of new
information
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 every single day.
For
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this
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 reason, businesses need to make and build new
kind
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kinds
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 of
products
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 or change things in the old
products
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.
This
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 is a positive challenge for industries and
companies
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 because they could have an impact
in
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on
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 the way
of
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apply
show examples
how
people
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use
Use synonyms
the
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apply
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technology, even, they could
change
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even change
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 our lifestyle. On one hand, technological
companies
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 and industries need to innovate in the
use
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 of technology and artificial intelligence in their
products
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 and
this
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 could be because
people
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 now want
do
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apply
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not
waste
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to waste
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 time with their phones or computers.
For instance
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, an article
of
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in
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bbc
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BBC
 news gave the reason
of
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apply
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why a large proportion of
people
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 prefer
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an Iphone
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Iphone
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iPhone
instead
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android
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Android
show examples
 and the conclusion was that
people
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 can connect
all
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to all
show examples
 different
kind
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kinds
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 of
apple
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Apple
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 devices to get a better and faster connection,
also
Linking Words
, they could send and upload photos and videos in a few seconds.
For
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this
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 reason, electronic businesses must try to build apps or
use
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 A.I. to connect their
products
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 with
ours
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our
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 cellphones.
On the other hand
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, our society
have
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has
show examples
 more
information
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 about how the
companies
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 make their
products
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.
In addition
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,
people
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 do not
want
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want to
show examples
 buy some
products
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 because they
now
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know
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 about some ecology or animal cruelty issues about that
companies
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 or factories.
For example
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, when someone go the supermarket to buy eggs now a lot of
people
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 buy
the
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apply
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one
of
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apply
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in their box have the labels of “free cruelty animal” or “free chickens”.
Although
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, some
people
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 prefer
not
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not to
show examples
 buy
meet
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meat
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products
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 so they have a vegetarian option and
companies
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,
such
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 as supermarkets,
use
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this
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information
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 to sell more vegetables and fruits. In conclusion, all different
business
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businesses
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 have a big challenge of
innovate
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innovating
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 in the creation of their
products
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 because
this
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 generation
have
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has
show examples
 more
information
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 to
take
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make
show examples
 decisions about what kind of
products
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 they need to buy.

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coherence
Consider restructuring your introduction to clearly outline the two parts of the question: why businesses emphasize 'newness' in their products and whether it is a positive or negative development. This can enhance clarity.
task achievement
In your body paragraphs, ensure that each main point is clearly supported by examples. There are relevant examples, but elaborating further on how these examples support your points would strengthen your argument.
language
Pay attention to grammatical errors, such as verb agreements and sentence structure, as these can detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of your essay. Proofreading can help.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples and explained some societal changes in consumer behavior, which is a positive aspect of your essay. This shows an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and provides opinions on both sides, which is essential for the task requirement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
What to do next:
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