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Writing Samples
Band 5

People nowadays tend to have children at older ages. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Beka

Nowadays there is a trend to have
children
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 at a later
age
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.It is true that
people
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 today have
children
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 at older ages. Despite all the downsides, I think that there are more upsides.
This
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 essay will explore how the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
Nevertheless
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, having
baby
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a baby
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 at
older
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an older
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age
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 has its drawbacks that should be considered . When
people
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 are old, it is harder to have a baby. Women can have health problems, and it can be dangerous.
Also
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, old parents may not have enough energy to play with small
children
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. They may feel tired quickly.
For example
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, many
people
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 having
children
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 at a late
age
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 do not understand the interests of their
children
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 and cannot find a common language with them.
On the other hand
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, there are obvious benefits to having
children
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 at
later
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a later
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age
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.
Usually
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Usually,
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such
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people
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 approach the birth of
children
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 responsibly. They solve their problems in advance, pay off loans, work on their lives,
provide
Correct word choice
and provide
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the
Change the word
their
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child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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 with a future even before
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 birth.
Usually
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Usually,
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such
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 parents have one or two
children
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, as they know how to calculate their financial capabilities and try to make sure that the
child
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 does not feel deprived. Even many psychologists agree that having a
child
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 at a later
age
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 will have a better effect on the
child
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.
For example
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,
such
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 parents spend a lot of time improving their parenting skills and try harder than anyone else before the birth of a
child
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. In conclusion, nowadays many human beings have a tendency to have their offspring
at
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in
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 their older years.
Although
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, many
people
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 do not like the trend of having
children
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 at a later
age
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. I consider that the advantages outweigh
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction presents the topic well, but try to clearly state your position (whether you believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages) in a more direct manner.
Task Achievement
While your points are relevant, they could be more fully developed with additional examples or explanations to strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure consistency in terminology and phrasing (e.g., using 'older age' consistently rather than switching between 'older ages' and 'at an older age'). This will enhance coherence throughout your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structure to improve the flow of your ideas and make your writing more engaging. This can help with coherence, as well as keeping the reader's interest.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides, and a conclusion, which is a strong point.
Task Achievement
You provide some good insights into the responsibilities of older parents, which adds depth to your argument.
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