IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

It is thought that employees should
work
Use synonyms
 fewer and have more free days. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion and
this
Linking Words
 essay will state the reason for
this
Linking Words
. The most compelling reason for my view is that working longer may lead to some stress-related diseases. When individuals
work
Use synonyms
 for more than 6 days
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a week, they do not have enough
time
Use synonyms
 for doing activities and their hobbies.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they might face some undue stress
such
Linking Words
 as depression and anxiety,
therefor
Correct your spelling
therefore
show examples
 the fundamental key to being well , having excitement and
enjoyment
Replace the word
enjoying
show examples
time
Use synonyms
. Some research shows that those who
work
Use synonyms
 for long hours have a vulnerable
immune-system
Correct your spelling
immune system
show examples
, which means they are going to be sick easily. Another reason for holding my position is that long working hours might
cause
Verb problem
affect
show examples
 one's relationships.
In other words
Linking Words
, when you
work
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
almost all days
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the week, it seems challenging to have enough
time
Use synonyms
 for
their
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
families
Fix the agreement mistake
family
show examples
 and friends ,particularly those who do not have
flexible
Add an article
a flexible
show examples
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
show examples
. Indeed, every person
needs
Add the particle
needs to
show examples
 spend
time
Use synonyms
 with their
love
Replace the word
loved
show examples
 ones so as to keep their communication
healthily
Change the word
healthy
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 situation might lead to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of sleep , namely night shift workers.
A
Correct your spelling
As
show examples
 we know having enough sleep is pivotally important to have a good mood and
also
Linking Words
 concentration. If employees
such
Linking Words
 as
programmer
Fix the agreement mistake
programmers
show examples
 and
engineer
Fix the agreement mistake
engineers
show examples
which their
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
work
Use synonyms
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 lots of concentration
do
Correct word choice
and do
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 not have enough
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
 of sleep, they might make mistakes and ruin their
work
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I totally agree with the opinion of having longer hours of free
time
Use synonyms
 in order to have a proper health system and communicate with families. Through the given situation, it is recommended employers should hire more employees so
as to
Change preposition
that
show examples
 anyone can have more free
time
Use synonyms
.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly state your main points in the introduction and follow them logically throughout the essay.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your arguments, which will strengthen your essay.
language accuracy
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation, as minor mistakes can affect clarity and the overall impression of your writing.
task achievement
You effectively communicated your agreement with the idea of a shorter working week and provided relevant reasons for your perspective.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is crucial for coherence.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
What to do next:
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