IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace (e.g. at home, when travelling, etc.). Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?

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Because of technological developments, an increasing number of people started to
work
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 from
home
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 or online when they are outside of their countries, resulting in no need to commute to
work
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. In my opinion, the advantages of
this
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 trend outweigh the drawbacks as I will explain. On one hand, there are some downsides to
this
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 trend and one of them is that it might become a challenge for employees to get motivated and keep working with morale.
This
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 is because when you are working from
home
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 and working online, there are a number of temptations at
home
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 ranging from tasty foods to video games with instant access to them, which could discourage you from working,
thus
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 the level of motivation for
work
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 might end up dwindling.
Moreover
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, it can lead you to a loss of the sense of camaraderie with your coworkers, which is an essential element to
work
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 as a full-fledged member of society. In most professions, face-to-face communication at
work
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 is a vital aspect
to boost
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of boosting
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 workers’ motivation and the financial growth of a company.
However
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,
this
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 can be mitigated by having some strict rules
such
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 as penalties.
On the other hand
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, working from outside of the workplace brings more benefits in terms of saving more time for private lives and reducing some outlay for commuting. Indeed, it can be a time-effective solution because working from
home
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 means that you do not have to take a train or a bus to commute every day.
Instead
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, you can spend more time on what you like to do
such
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 as reading a book or just relaxing and energising yourself for the next coming day.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 mobility can allow businesses to curb their expenditure on employees’ commuting, which may
also
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 be a cost-effective remedy for firms. In conclusion,
although
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 there are some drawbacks of remote
work
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such
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 as lowering motivation towards
work
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 and losing a sense of camaraderie at
work
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, the upsides to
this
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 mobility are more significant because it will encourage us to spend a better quality of life and help companies reduce their commuting expense.

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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion and addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of remote work. However, consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, you could mention specific studies or statistics related to productivity or employee satisfaction when working remotely.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your ideas are generally well-organized, ensure that each paragraph flows logically into the next. Using more cohesive devices (linking words/phrases) can enhance the coherence of your essay. For example, transitioning between the downside and upside paragraphs can be improved for smoother reading.
Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, which sets a good tone for the essay. It's evident that you've thought critically about the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
You effectively list down both the advantages and disadvantages of working remotely, showcasing a balanced view of the topic.
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