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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram below shows the life cycle of the silkworm and the stages in the production of silk cloth.

The diagram below shows the life cycle of the silkworm and the stages in the production of silk cloth.
The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
first diagram illustrates the life cycle of the silkworm,
while
Linking Words
 the second diagram displays the stages in the production of
silk
Use synonyms
 cloth.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 there are five stages in the process, commencing with the
lay
Correct word choice
laying
show examples
 eggs and ending in becoming a moth. When it comes to the production of
silk
Use synonyms
, it begins with the selection of
cocoons
Use synonyms
 and culminating in dyeing. First of all, the mature moth
lay
Wrong verb form
lays
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 hundreds of eggs
that
Linking Words
is
Change the verb form
are
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 very tiny and small at one time on the leaf. After around ten days, the silkworm larva can be born, they
are basically eat
Change the verb form
basically eat
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mulberry
Add an article
the mulberry
a mulberry
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leaf
Fix the agreement mistake
leaves
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. The
Linking Words
thirdly processing
Replace the word
third process
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 is that the larva
start
Change the verb form
starts
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 to produce
silk
Use synonyms
 thread and
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
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silk
Use synonyms
 thread around itself, it
needs
Verb problem
takes
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 approximately three to eight days, after which, it can
became
Change the verb form
become
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 a cocoon.
Finally
Linking Words
, it can break a cocoon and become a mature moth. The first step
of
Change preposition
in
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production
Correct article usage
the production
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 of
silk
Use synonyms
 cloth is
that
Correct word choice
apply
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selecting the proper
cocoons
Use synonyms
. The
cocoons
Use synonyms
 are unwound after throwing
cocoons
Use synonyms
 into
water
Add an article
the water
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 and boiling water, it is very
surprised
Replace the word
surprising
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 to find a cocoon’s tread length is about three hundred to nine hundred meters.
Then
Linking Words
 the tread is twisted and weaved, these two steps all need to
dye
Wrong verb form
be dyed
show examples
.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 80%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words silk, cocoons with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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