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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this

Taking a
gap
Use synonyms
year
Use synonyms
 between high school and university has become increasingly common in some nations.
While
Linking Words
 starting university studies, I would argue that humans need to work or travel for a
year
Use synonyms
 when they finish high school.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the benefits and drawbacks for young people who choose to do
this
Linking Words
 On the one hand, a
gap
Use synonyms
year
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 can help young people improve practical experience and extra life
skills
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 that are not taught in the classroom.
Such
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 as working can teach them financial responsibility and independence. Work experience, even in entry-level positions, can build valuable
skills
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 and enhance a resume.Travel can demonstrate adaptability, cultural awareness, and language proficiency, which are highly valued by employers.
Also
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, the next generation will develop new
skills
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 through work or travel that can foster independence, self-reliance, and a broader perspective.It provides opportunities to develop problem-solving
skills
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 and adapt to new situations.
On the other hand
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, in the time
gap
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year
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 humans may
result in
Verb problem
experience
show examples
 a loss of study habits and financial costs
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 an important issue.
For example
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, some students struggle to readjust to academic life after a
year
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 off, and they will risk losing academic momentum or motivation to pursue
further
Linking Words
 education.
Moreover
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, travelling or living independently can be expensive, and even working may not generate enough income to cover all expenses.There's
also
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 the opportunity cost of delaying entry into the workforce or
higher
Correct article usage
the higher
show examples
 earning potential that a university degree can provide. In conclusion, a
gap
Use synonyms
year
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 can provide valuable experiences but
also
Linking Words
 presents certain challenges. Young people should carefully weigh these factors before making
decision
Add an article
a decision
the decision
show examples

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task achievement
While your points are well-articulated, some ideas could be expanded with further explanation and examples. For instance, when discussing financial costs, you could include examples of specific costs associated with traveling or working during a gap year.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to include linking words or phrases to help the flow of your ideas and ensure that your paragraphs transition smoothly. This will improve clarity and the overall structure of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
In the introduction, you stated your position but consider rephrasing to make it clearer. Providing a brief outline of the benefits and drawbacks in the introduction may also strengthen your argument and set clearer expectations for the reader.
task achievement
You have successfully identified both advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year, which meets the requirements of the task.
task achievement
The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic, and you demonstrate a good range of language, which adds to the quality of your writing.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
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