IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The quality of healthcare a person received should not depend on the size of their bank balance. The government is responsible for providing a high level of healthcare for all its citizens. To what extent do you agree?

In the prevailing era, offering
healthcare
Use synonyms
 to every person in the world has become an issue. It is an argued issue whether authorities are responsible for supplying
healthcare
Use synonyms
 without financial discrimination to every
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
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. I wholeheartedly agree with the statement since the
govenment
Correct your spelling
government
 is responsible
to protect
Change preposition
for protecting
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 public
health
Use synonyms
 and having access to
Use synonyms
healthcare
Add an article
the healthcare
show examples
system
Use synonyms
 is a fundamental right. Commencing with the most salient reason why the government provides
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 to citizens without financial bias is that offering
healthcare
Use synonyms
 is crucial to address some diseases,
such
Linking Words
 as Poio, Coronavirus, and many more. If the government does not offer funds to the
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
, these diseases will spread across the country. Countries cannot grow if their citizens are not
physical
Change the word
physically
show examples
 well.
For example
Linking Words
, During Corona pandemic in 2019, every authority offered free
vaccine
Fix the agreement mistake
vaccines
show examples
 to their citizens in order to alleviate the issue.
As a result
Linking Words
, the problem has been solved.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some societies consider the
heath
Correct your spelling
health
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care
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
 as a fundamental right, not a
previlige
Correct your spelling
privilege
.
This
Linking Words
 means everyone should have access to the medical
system
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 regardless of their income, and social status.
For instance
Linking Words
, the government of Canada country provides grants
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
care
Use synonyms
 in which individuals need only
health
Use synonyms
 cards and they can visit family doctors without paying fees
and
Correct word choice
apply
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other services
such
Linking Words
 as x-rays, ultrasound are
also
Linking Words
 offered to everyone .
To conclude
Linking Words
, I contemplate that authorities are responsible for offering
healthcare
Use synonyms
 to every citizen without wealth inequality because It is mandatory to reduce the
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
 of some serious diseases at a national level
coupled with
Linking Words
 it is considered as a right of every person to
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
 benefits.

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task achievement
Ensure that your thesis statement clearly outlines your stance and the main points you will discuss in the body paragraphs. This will help set a clear direction for your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures and use more linking words to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs. This will enhance coherence and make your writing more engaging.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'govenment' instead of 'government' and 'previlige' instead of 'privilege'. Proofreading can help catch these mistakes before submission.
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion on the topic and supported it with relevant examples, such as Canada's healthcare system and the COVID-19 vaccination effort.
task achievement
Your discussion of the social perspective on healthcare as a right is important and shows a deeper understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • basic human right
  • societal well-being
  • quality of life
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • social unrest
  • affordability
  • accessibility
  • social justice
  • equality
  • resource allocation
  • quality standards
  • private healthcare
  • profit
  • taxes
  • burden
What to do next:
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