IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People aim to achieve a balance between their work and personal life, but few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problem ? How to overcome it?

A healthy life and a
Use synonyms
work -life
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work-life
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 balance are the goals of all people in modern society these days.
This
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 essay provides reasons why people seem quite difficult to reach and some solutions to cope with
this
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 situation. The first reason can be that they are really busy with their
work
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, especially majoring in medicine or teaching. They frequently stay at
work
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 until 8 pm and they will go to
work
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 early.
For example
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, doctors often take care of citizens, they might sit up with a sick person or spoon-feed a patient. Not only,
teachers
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do teachers
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 look after students when they go to school until they go home but
also
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, they prepare lessons.
Therefore
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, they do not spend too much time doing exercise or household chores with their family.
Also
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, they are attracted by money. Not only do they
work
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 during office hours, but they
also
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work
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 overtime to earn extra income to provide for their lives and those around them. They often
work
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 extra hours at the company or take on delivery jobs outside of
work
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 hours. Citizens need to adjust their
work
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, to manage both their regular jobs and extra
work
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 effectively, they need to allocate their time wisely and be well-prepared in every aspect. When their schedules become overwhelming, delegating tasks to colleagues can alleviate some pressure at
work
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. And you're spot on – enlisting the support of family members can
also
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 be a significant help in managing responsibilities outside of
work
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. Teamwork and family support can make a big difference in maintaining a manageable workload.
While
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 earning extra income is important, recognizing the value of their health and well-being is paramount. Reducing their workload to create space for self-care and quality time with loved ones isn't just beneficial—it's essential for a sustainable and fulfilling life. As the saying goes, health is wealth, and it's wise for them to prioritize it.
To conclude
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,
while
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 many strive for a harmonious blend of their professional and personal lives, true equilibrium often remains elusive for most. People should reduce their workload to achieve a better life balance.

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task achievement
Consider elaborating on causes and solutions to provide a more comprehensive response.
coherence and cohesion
Focus on linking ideas more clearly to enhance the logical flow of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Strengthen the introduction and conclusion to clearly outline your main points and summarize the essay's key messages.
task achievement
You effectively identified key reasons why work-life balance is difficult to achieve.
task achievement
Your use of examples, especially relating to doctors and teachers, adds clarity to your points.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is generally clear, with separate paragraphs for causes and solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • advancement
  • efficiency
  • blurred lines
  • remotely
  • encroaching
  • cultural expectations
  • societal norms
  • professional success
  • clear boundaries
  • flexible working hours
  • fostering
  • company culture
  • mindfulness
  • time management
  • prioritizing
  • delegating
  • stress
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