IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think society could benefit more if more people study business than history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A group of individuals supports that it is more beneficial for
people
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 to study business rather than study history. Personally, I agree with the idea of studying business in terms of a developed, modern technological world that
people
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 will live in. On the one hand, with the increasing technology,
people
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 tend to prefer wider
studies
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, including businesses, to have the ability to adapt to the new system.
Therefore
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,
studies
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 prefer to change over the period to businesses to generate a better understanding of technology.
For instance
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, AI-generated operations include different skills to incorporate greater technologies for
further
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studies
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,
such
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 as high-tech medications or even robotic surgeries.
Consequently
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, these conditions promote society's welfare in the long term.
On the other hand
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, background information like as history helps to create a stronger connection to become successful in their professional world experiences. It includes
such
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 events that have affected many
people
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, even countries are still trying to
coparete
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cooperate
 with their historical strategies.
For example
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, in Turkey, the government still follows historical strategies when deciding on a specific task.
In addition
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 to
this
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, even political parties follow their past experiences with the knowledge of historical
studies
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, and they achieve the challenges with their historical background. In conclusion,
while
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 history plays a critical part in the individual's profession, business education covers much more in terms of developing individuals' careers. Especially, in the modern world, businesses should be
priortized
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prioritized
 to educate the community for
further
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 development.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay presents a clear viewpoint and attempts to address both sides of the argument, but a more structured organization of your points would enhance clarity. Consider clear topic sentences for each paragraph to improve flow.
Task Achievement
While your ideas are relevant and support your argument, providing more specific examples or statistical data could strengthen your position and make your argument more convincing.
Task Achievement
Ensure to define terms better; for instance, clarify what you mean by 'business studies' since it can encompass various fields. This would provide more context to your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Check for minor grammatical errors and phrasing. Proofreading can help reduce these small inaccuracies and improve the overall quality of your writing.
Task Achievement
You have a clear stance and are able to present arguments supporting your viewpoint. This shows your ability to engage with the topic effectively.
Task Achievement
You attempt to balance your argument by recognizing the importance of history, which demonstrates an understanding of the complexity of the topic. This adds depth to your response.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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