Children should be taught how to manage their own use of digital devices rather than having strict limits imposed by their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It is often argued that
children
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should be taught to manage their own
use
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of digital
devices
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rather than having strict limits imposed by their
parents
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.
However
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, I personally agree with
this
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view
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because it can develop
children
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's self-control and help them become more responsible.
Body paragraph 1
The primary reason why I agree with
this
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view
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is that it can develop
children
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's self-control.
This
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is mainly because
children
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can learn when and how long they should
use
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digital
devices
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instead
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of always depending on their
parents
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to control them.
In other words
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, they can gradually learn to make sensible decisions about their screen time.
For example
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,
parents
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can teach their
children
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to finish their homework before using a smartphone and to stop using it after a certain period.
As a result
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,
children
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can develop better self-discipline and control their own digital habits.
Therefore
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, teaching
children
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to manage their own device
use
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can be beneficial.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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, another important reason why I agree with
this
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view
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is that it can help
children
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become more responsible.
This
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is because they have to make their own decisions and understand the consequences of using digital
devices
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excessively.
For instance
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, a child who learns to limit their own screen time may choose to put their phone away when it is time to study or sleep.
Consequently
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,
children
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can become more responsible for their daily activities and develop useful habits for the future.
Therefore
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, I strongly agree with
this
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view
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I firmly agree with the
view
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that
children
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should be taught to manage their own
use
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of digital
devices
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rather than having strict limits imposed by their
parents
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
is mainly because it can develop
children
Use synonyms
's self-control and help them become more responsible.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start, and you keep the same view to the end. To make the answer stronger, also say why strict rules may not work well, such as when a child has no chance to make good choices alone.
task response
Your two main ideas are good, but they are quite close: self-control and being responsible. Add a more different point, such as how children need these skills for school, sleep, family time, and later life.
task response
Your examples fit the topic, but make them more real and full. For example, show what a parent and child agree to do, what happens when the child follows the plan, and what the child learns.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: an opening, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this clear plan in future work.
coherence and cohesion
Some link words are used many times, mainly “This is because”, “Therefore”, and “As a result”. Use fewer of them, and let the ideas flow with clear sentences instead.
coherence and cohesion
The last sentence in each main part repeats the same idea. Use that space to add a small new point or a stronger link back to the question.
task response
You answer the whole question and give a clear view: children should learn to manage device use.
task response
The points about self-control and responsibility are on topic and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part begins with a clear main idea, so the reader can follow your answer easily.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending match well and make your position clear.
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