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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentage of the population in the UK who consumed the recommended daily amount of fruit and vegetables in 2002, 2006 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main featurews and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the percentage of the population in the UK who consumed the recommended daily amount of fruit and vegetables in 2002, 2006 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main featurews and make comparisons where relevant.
The diagram illustrates the proportion of people in the UK who consumed the
suggessted
Correct your spelling
suggested
 portion of fruits and vegetables in everyday means in 2002 , 2006 and 2010 .
Overall
Linking Words
 ,
children
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 the least category
stricted
Correct your spelling
restricted
 with the
adviced
Correct your spelling
advised
 amount of fruits and vegetables in all three variant years .
However
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the women
show examples
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 sector was the most dedicated with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumption in all years .
Furthermore
Linking Words
 , all categories faced fluctuations .
To begin
Linking Words
 with ,
Add an article
a
show examples
quarter of the
women
Use synonyms
's population was consuming the amounts in 2002 . It is
also
Linking Words
 the most in
comparsion
Correct your spelling
comparison
 to other categories .
While
Linking Words
men's
Correct article usage
the men's
show examples
 section was 22% and
children
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 only 11% .
In addition
Linking Words
 ,
all
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the population reached their peak in 2006 ,
women
Use synonyms
 reached 32% ,
children
Use synonyms
 18% , and men approximately reached quarter of them .
Lastly
Linking Words
 , in 2010 most of
population's
Add an article
the population's
show examples
consistence
Correct your spelling
consistency
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consuption
Correct your spelling
consumption
 declined slightly . Men and
children
Use synonyms
droped
Correct your spelling
dropped
 2% .
In contrast
Linking Words
 ,
women
Use synonyms
's commitment
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 consumption
fall
Change the verb form
falls
show examples
 from 32% to 26% .

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words children, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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