IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that you can learn more about another country by watching television programmes and films about it then actually visiting it. How true is this statement? is there anything you can learn about another country by visiting it that you cannot learn by watching programmes and films about it? give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own experience.

Knowing
knologment
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 regarding another country is a rewarding
experience
Use synonyms
. Visiting and meeting new cultures represent a unique feeling,
only
Correct word choice
that only
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
lives is
Correct subject-verb agreement
live are
show examples
 able to explain. Some
people
Use synonyms
are arguing
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 that
watch
Replace the word
watching
show examples
 movies and television
show
Fix the agreement mistake
shows
show examples
 may provide the same knowledge if you are
Use synonyms
travel
Correct your spelling
travelling
show examples
 by their selves.
Despite
Correct pronoun usage
Despite this
show examples
, the internet and other
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
 provide a range of especially content production supporting the idea that individuals can
travel
Use synonyms
 around the world without
leave
Change the verb form
leaving
show examples
 their living rooms.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the reasons why I strongly believe that
visit
Wrong verb form
visiting
show examples
 new countries in person represents more and open their minds.
Firstly
Linking Words
, as I have mentioned, there are several contents everywhere to explore another place,
multi - cultural
Correct your spelling
multi-cultural
show examples
 topics to deep inside an unexplored culture. Famous and recognized titles
such
Linking Words
 as National Geographic,
BBC
Correct word choice
and BBC
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
produced a range of options to be involved in specific traditions for different
people
Use synonyms
 and countries. Those programs
talking
Wrong verb form
talk
show examples
 about, their geography, weather conditions, holidays, how
people
Use synonyms
 live,
eat
Correct word choice
and eat
show examples
,
provide
Correct word choice
and provide
show examples
 tips to
travel
Use synonyms
 around. They can
delivery
Replace the word
deliver
show examples
 essential information from everywhere.
For example
Linking Words
, I
have been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
watched
one
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 documentary about South Africa,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was regarding
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 system and family habits, enriching for all of us.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, despite
those
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 contents
are
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 interesting, may
awakens
Wrong verb form
awaken
show examples
 curiosity, and
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
impact
Add an article
an impact
show examples
, nothing can pay
travelling
Change preposition
for travelling
show examples
 and being involved by yourself
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the ‘new’. Watching movies
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 us
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 capacity to understand part of the culture,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
 to live a complete
experience
Use synonyms
 is important
meet
Add the particle
to meet
show examples
 a native person in his homeland and understand the culture,
this
Linking Words
 is priceless.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can discover Brazil
trough
Correct your spelling
through
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
television, there are documentaries talking about Carnaval, Historic Celebrations,
traditional
Correct word choice
and traditional
show examples
 food preparation,
those
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
attracted individuals from everywhere. But, if you
travel
Use synonyms
 and can see with
you
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
 own eyes, probably will be another point of view, sharing
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
 stories and
meet
Wrong verb form
meeting
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 is crucial to recognize a
multi – cultural
Correct your spelling
multi–cultural
show examples
 and complete
experience
Use synonyms
. Live the routine, and
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 part of their lives. In conclusion, there are many ways to
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
 about other
civilization
Fix the agreement mistake
civilizations
show examples
,
Internet
Correct article usage
The Internet
show examples
 and other methods of communication can provide an overview regarding new places.
Although
Linking Words
, I highly believe that for a
completed
Replace the word
complete
show examples
 personal
experience
Use synonyms
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 must visit new countries constantly by their selves and live inside the folks and traditions. . To apply for those roles no
experience
Use synonyms
 is required, in the beginning sounds interesting,
however
Linking Words
 after
year
Add an article
a year
show examples
 working at the same place leads to
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
osmosis and
people
Use synonyms
 cannot avoid
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
 stuck for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time and putting energy
on
Change preposition
into
show examples
 it.
Thus
Linking Words
, probably, sooner those young
people
Use synonyms
 will suffer the negative results
to do
Change preposition
of doing
show examples
 unfamiliar tasks.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, there are serious consequences
and
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 may affect their health and
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
show examples
 to issues in their particular life. Stress,
for example
Linking Words
, can be the first and most important problem for current society, forcing themselves to find help.
Therefore
Linking Words
, body and mental
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 are engaged and less the chances to move forward and find a better job in the future. In conclusion, many individuals
led
Add a missing verb
are led
show examples
 to do jobs that they are not interested only to grow towards society.
This
Linking Words
 situation
consequently
Linking Words
 will present negative impacts and build a sick community.
People
Use synonyms
 should choose always the best based on their skills and emotions.

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introduction
Your introduction could be clearer and more engaging. Consider rephrasing for better clarity and flow. Also, ensure you clearly state your thesis at the end of the introduction.
coherence
Your paragraphs contain valuable information but need stronger transitions between ideas to enhance coherence. Try to use linking words to guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
examples
While you provided examples, they could be more detailed and directly related to the points you want to make about learning through travel versus media.
examples
You have included relevant examples, such as documentaries about South Africa and Brazil. This shows your engagement with the topic and helps illustrate your points.
conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main argument, reiterating your belief in the importance of travel for experiencing culture.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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