IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#aim #science #people’s #lives
Nowadays, some technologies have been existed and used in the world. I agree that these have been developed as
the
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important targets by experts to enhance our lives. Experts contribute to society to save our lives and to reduce climate change impact.
Firstly
, there are some achievements in the medical field. Many pharmacologists have invented the newest pills to treat various
of
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cancers. In the past, patients would suffer from side effects during medical therapy like loss
hair
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of hair
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, nausea and vomiting. They
also
 had trouble concentrating or remembering things during drug treatments. These professional scholars in the medical field have developed RNA therapy and the latest pills to reduce side effects and treat cancers respectively.
Although
 some various cancers can be treated, they still develop
the
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new drugs and methods as targets in order to enhance patients’ growth.
Secondly
, experts make lighter batteries and integrate them with AI systems in cars. Climate change is a great topic on our planet. Many organizations and governments research the latest batteries, which can be assembled with vehicles to drive on the roads,
instead
 of gasoline.
Therefore
, we may never use gasoline at all in the future and reduce carbon dioxide emissions.
Moreover
,
this
 IT system can detect which parts are malfunctioning and drive by itself as an autonomous vehicle. I think these electric vehicles can strengthen our activities and improve our environment. In conclusion, the latest pills and the state-of-the-art vehicles are beneficial for us. It is not only saving our souls but
also
 improving our planet.
Submitted by chiehyun0820 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that this idea is supported with specific examples or evidence.
Task Achievement
Work on developing a more comprehensive conclusion that addresses the prompt more directly and offers a broader perspective.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and transitional phrases to better signal the relationship between ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next, and that the overall structure of the essay is clear and easy to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
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