Students from poor background such as rural areas often find it difficult to access to university education, so people think universities should make it especially easy for them to study at. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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For many years,
students
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from poor
background
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backgrounds
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in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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rural
area
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areas
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often find it hard to access to
university
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education
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. It is essential that
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university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
should
Verb problem
apply
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be conveniently accessible to all
students
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to ensure fairness, reduce
students
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'
transportation
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costs and
time
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and increase social
mobilities
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.
To begin
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with, setting up
universities
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in rural
areas
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ensure
Correct subject-verb agreement
ensures
show examples
the fairness that all
students
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can have a chance to receive tertiary
education
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.
Stduents
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Students
in the city can receive tertiary
education
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because of the easy accessibility.
However
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, rural
areas
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usually consist of primary and secondary schools only.
This
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is unfair that
students
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in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor
areas
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cannot attend
university
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in their regions.
Therefore
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, setting up
universities
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in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural
areas
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is a must to promote fair
education
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.
Furthermore
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, making
universities
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easy for
students
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to study can reduce their
transportation
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costs and
time
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.
Students
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in rural
areas
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usually rent a hostel in the
universities
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as it takes a high
cost
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for
transportation
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from the school to home. Even if
students
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go back home once
in
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apply
show examples
each semester, the
transportation
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cost
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is too high
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
maybe over HKD100 which brings
heavy
Correct article usage
a heavy
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econommic
Correct your spelling
economic
burden for them.
Besides
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, the
transportation
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time
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is long that they may spend more than 2 hours in
transportation
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.
Thus
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, easy accessibility of
university
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reduces
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students
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students'
student's
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transportation
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time
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and
cost
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.
In addition
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, easy accessibility
of
Change preposition
to
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university
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universities
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can increase social
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mobilities
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mobility
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. If
universities
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are only for rich
students
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,
students
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from rural
areas
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cannot have opportunities to engage in jobs that require high
education
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qualifications. Setting up
universities
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in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor
areas
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can benefit
students
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there by
Correct your spelling
thereby
show examples
providing them
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
chance to study in the
universities
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easily.
This
Linking Words
allows them to earn higher income in the future
due to
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their
education
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qualifications. In
this
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case, social
mobilities
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are enhanced. In conclusion,
universities
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should be made accessible to
students
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in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor
areas
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to facilitate fairness, reduce
students
Use synonyms
'
transportation
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
and
time
Use synonyms
and increase social
Use synonyms
mobilities
Fix the agreement mistake
mobility
show examples
.

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What works well

2
task achievement

Your essay presents a clear opinion on the topic and follows a logical structure throughout.

coherence and cohesion

The introduction effectively outlines the main points you will discuss, setting a clear framework for your essay.

Improvement Suggestions

2
coherence and cohesion

Try to vary your sentence structures and improve the grammatical accuracy of your writing. For example, make sure to use the correct form of verbs and avoid simple errors which can detract from the overall quality.

task achievement

Expand on your points with more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen the arguments you've made. This will help to provide a clearer and more comprehensive understanding of your stance.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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